Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

CaptMurdock

Search for a member

CaptMurdock
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 7 July 1994 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 926
  • Number of comments : 86
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About CaptMurdock : Hi there.

CaptMurdock's last visitors

Xenon_SmithKHAOS_KREATORFrost013Damned_ArchitectNordragI_Am_Lamp_casual_commenterthatkidmalcolehardfact

CaptMurdock's FML badges

You sure know how to party?

You posted a comment on the 31st of December between 11pm and 1am. Happy New Year!

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

See all of CaptMurdock's badges

CaptMurdock's favorite FMLs

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

#20562846
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70668) - you deserved it (6034)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, a small fly flew straight up into my nose. I spent 10 minutes trying to blow/scratch/pick it out to no avail. I can still feel it moving. FML

#20556028
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36999) - you deserved it (2547)

On 03/23/2013 at 4:17am - misc - by WTFLY (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I learned that if not for my grandfather gifting my dad $200, I would have been named Anthrax. FML

#20552804
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30326) - you deserved it (2356)

On 03/20/2013 at 9:11pm - misc - by cheeseburglar_9000 (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was talking to my boss and he said I was awesome. He went to fist bump me and I missed. FML

#20552081
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26496) - you deserved it (7792)

On 03/20/2013 at 10:31am - work - by missedfistbump - United States

Today, it was my first time with my boyfriend, at his house, in his Dora the Explorer sheets. FML

#20550446
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35306) - you deserved it (7893) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/18/2013 at 6:34pm - love - by inconnue - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, my boyfriend still won't talk to me, after I caused him the "worst embarrassment" of his life in front of his friends. What did I do wrong? I joined their conversation and ended up confusing the fictional characters of Gollum and Yoda with one another. FML

#20545430
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14719) - you deserved it (54427) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/15/2013 at 8:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Centre)

Today, I met my mom's fiancé. He's a nice guy, he's also my wife's dad. I'll soon call my wife my sister. FML

#20544337
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41092) - you deserved it (2031)

On 03/15/2013 at 1:31am - misc - by guy - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML

#20540752
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32161) - you deserved it (4891)

On 03/12/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by ShadowBox (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, I was walking through my town when a man on a bicycle rolled up to me and said, "I don't mean this offensively but you're really well-built." I don't know whether he was commenting on my height or comparing me to a shed, but my mother won't stop laughing. FML

#20531997
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21986) - you deserved it (2638)

On 03/05/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by apparently-a-shed (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I was being interviewed for an amazing job when I was asked what animal I would describe myself as. Trying to be prompt, I picked the first thing that came to me. I responded with, "I'd be a turtle because I'm really slow sometimes." FML

#20531284
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19266) - you deserved it (11889)

On 03/04/2013 at 7:43pm - work - by seriously (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my wife finally came home from deployment. Apparently, in the military she really built up some muscle. When she saw me at the airport, she picked me up like a baby and spun me around in her arms a few times. I'm a little scared of her now. FML

#20530533
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36502) - you deserved it (9001)

On 03/04/2013 at 2:36am - love - by married to wonder woman (man) - United States (California)

Today, during a sleepover at my friend's house, I woke up in the middle of the night with a dire need to pee. As I walked in the dark to the bathroom, I saw a silhouette in a doorway and instictively screamed. Turns out it was my friend's sister's One Direction cutout. FML

#20525715
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21436) - you deserved it (3915)

On 02/28/2013 at 2:00pm - misc - by Neversleepingthereagain (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML

#20525408
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28738) - you deserved it (2495)

On 02/28/2013 at 5:56am - misc - by sickofthesmelltoo (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I walked outside to this guy attempting to steal my bike. When I asked him what he was doing he calmly replied, "I'm a bike inspector. You hooked your chain all wrong! This time is a warning; next time it'll be a ticket!" He then threw his full, opened Pepsi can at me. FML

#20524651
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25362) - you deserved it (2071)

On 02/27/2013 at 5:39pm - misc - by Chelsea - United States (Ohio)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: