Calaraphea

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Offline (the 03/15/2014 at 10:43pm)

Calaraphea

6Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2215
  • Number of comments : 23
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Calaraphea : Nobody likes me, neither will you. c:

Calaraphea's page activity

Visits<b>anjie_mackney</b> - the 04/20/2016 at 11:18pm<b>Redfox712</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 2:04pm<b>LadyLiani</b> - the 04/04/2016 at 3:13am<b>pear_flavored</b> - the 02/19/2016 at 12:16am<b>senor_octubre</b> - the 02/16/2016 at 3:24pm<b>r1has</b> - the 02/05/2016 at 2:10pm<b>kageboy</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 11:21pm<b>Dalboz</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 3:23pm<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 12/22/2015 at 11:56pm<b>missmorggan</b> - the 12/21/2015 at 10:01pm<b>yuno_gasai</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 2:31am<b>boricualuv</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 10:58pm<b>MistayJay</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 2:22pm<b>clairedabear</b> - the 08/11/2015 at 10:28am<b>Suisei</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 11:23am<b>PrincessKenny</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 4:31am<b>zarbof</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 4:34am<b>namine120409</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 6:28pm

Fucked!<b>pear_flavored</b> - the 02/19/2016 at 6:16am<b>yuno_gasai</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 8:31am<b>D_Word_Head</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 9:20pm<b>reillyg11</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 4:19am<b>elizabeth_black</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 11:07pm<b>mistress_paz</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 12:03am

Calaraphea's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

I NEED to know!

You went as far as reading the terms of use. You’re a total FML completist.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of Calaraphea's badges

Calaraphea's favorite FMLs

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

by kevcng / 09/10/2012 at 5:20pm / United States / Work

Today, while working as a police dispatcher, I took a call for a motorcycle accident that occurred near my house. After obtaining all the essential information I realized the rider was my brother. He doesn't own a motorcycle, but I do. FML

by Samm Povich / 02/25/2012 at 12:36am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2012 at 6:07pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I got a spray tan. The lady asked what shade I wanted to be, and joking, I said the darkest. She took it seriously. Now no one can recognize me, and I have work tomorrow. FML

by Sally / 08/21/2011 at 8:17pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML

by Pinkie / 08/06/2011 at 5:06pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML

by Tallulah / 07/29/2011 at 2:56am / United Kingdom (Croydon) / Love

Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML

by Sam / 06/24/2011 at 12:46am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, on my metro ride home, I sat next to a woman who thought it was appropriate to continually scratch at her scalp and then eat her 'scalp pickings'. When I looked over at her hair, I could see scabs clumped together from her previous scratching sessions. FML

by kekeroos / 05/20/2011 at 11:17am / United States (District of Columbia) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I walked through a spider's web with hundreds of baby spiders on it. My afro is now infested. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2011 at 1:34pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Animals

Today, my husband was kind enough to hold my hair back while I was going down on him, but didn't have the thought to comfort me this morning while I suffered the effects of morning sickness. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2011 at 4:15pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I got into a nasty fight, and ended up leaving with a black eye. The fight was with a champagne bottle cork. I was opening the bottle to celebrate the New Year, at home, alone. FML

by haappynewyear / 12/31/2010 at 10:21pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted, put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like, and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 11:53pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2010 at 12:09am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was getting picked up by my dad after I had been swimming. I saw his car, so I walked over to it, got in and started talking about how I'd seen my brother. It wasn't until after I had put my seat belt on that I realized I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

by Anonymous / 09/18/2010 at 10:41am / United Kingdom (Monmouthshire) / Transportation

Today, I finally got my first kiss. I was so excited, I pissed myself. FML

by PissyPants / 06/20/2010 at 1:12am / United States (California) / Love