Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

CalCommando

Offline (the 09/10/2014 at 7:20pm) | Search for a member

CalCommando

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 15 October 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1140
  • Number of comments : 78
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About CalCommando : Gonna update this when I'm on a computer, not the app.

For now... cake farts.

CalCommando's page activity

Visits<b>kaed</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 10:42pm<b>Bvbfangirl</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 8:06pm<b>Ohthatsnasty</b> - the 02/06/2014 at 8:04am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/08/2014 at 5:28pm<b>BatmansButler</b> - the 08/01/2013 at 10:49am<b>kidtoronto</b> - the 12/05/2011 at 7:48pm<b>Whydoyouask</b> - the 11/20/2011 at 2:36am

CalCommando's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

See all of CalCommando's badges

CalCommando's favorite FMLs

Today, I was waiting fir wife in a mall when some kids came and sat near me, wearing band t-shrts. I recognized some, as I was into The Smiths and Black Flag in youth. I tried to strike up a music-fan chat with them. "Fuck off, grandad" and "Ew, pedo" is all I got in return. FML

#20087854
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24325) - you deserved it (4305)

On 09/25/2012 at 7:54am - kids - by HenryRollinsForPresident (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

yesterday a guy I've been seeing for ahile sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clickd the link just to see wat sick shit he wantd to show me. It was my mom. FML

#20079475
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59695) - you deserved it (3067)

On 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm - intimacy - by identitychangeplease - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today... my boyfriend calld out the word "scalpel" when he orgasmd. He won't tell me why. FML

#20072555
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25048) - you deserved it (2561)

On 09/15/2012 at 3:36am - intimacy - by not the scalpel (woman) - United States (California)

2day a creepy grl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house 4 a family dinner. She replied looool "No your not. I can see u right now." FML

#20069063
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32613) - you deserved it (3745)

On 09/12/2012 at 5:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

the acne on one side of mah face has flard up at the corner of mah mouth... making me look just like The Joker. FML

Today, my fiancé an I were having sex. I've been secretly taking Welsh lessons as a surprise fir him, sohen I was getting close, Ihisperd the Welsh fir ( Don't stop. ) He pulld out an accusd me of cheating on him with his best friend. He won't believe anything else. FML

#20057019
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30083) - you deserved it (4083)

On 09/04/2012 at 3:54am - intimacy - by gingerbetty - United Kingdom (Swansea)

Today... I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually... and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight... I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML

#19846265
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27761) - you deserved it (16269)

On 06/25/2012 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today.. . a homeless man trid to sell me a "magic.. . one-finger glove" . It was a usd condom . FML

#19838531
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31496) - you deserved it (2951)

On 06/24/2012 at 10:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today , I almost got kidnapped. Again. FML

#19707961
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31678) - you deserved it (4270)

On 05/31/2012 at 1:28am - misc - by gonavybeatarmy - United States (California)

Taday my grlfriend said I could only take her vrginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML

#19131405
412 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40067) - you deserved it (5848)

On 02/21/2012 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

I set mah alarm half-an-hour earlier so I looool could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML

#19129332
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22053) - you deserved it (25764)

On 02/21/2012 at 3:10am - intimacy - by desperate905 - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I had to tell my 7 year old son it's not polite to jack off in public.

#19126066
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33667) - you deserved it (5105)

On 02/20/2012 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Gothicbunnyx3 - United States

Today , I was speaking to an old friend and I askd her how her mother was. She replid , "She passd away , u cummd to her funeral last month." FML

#19121013
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8830) - you deserved it (41783)

On 02/20/2012 at 5:01am - misc - by elizabethyeo - Australia (Western Australia)

Today I was talking to my grandpa whila ha was gardaning outsida. Suddanly I faal this hard salty thing fly into my mouth an I spit it out. It turnd out to ba a baatla. My grandpa takas ona look at tha baatla an says "Wall at laast that poor bug finally got u to shut up." raal FML

#19119481
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22570) - you deserved it (5870)

On 02/20/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by vw (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today , My Mom Friended All My Friends On Facebook Then Thought It'd Be A Good Idea To Try And Act Like A Teen So She'd Be Considered 'cool'. FML

#18989889
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25474) - you deserved it (2394)

On 02/04/2012 at 3:13am - misc - by lrgenesis - United States (Oregon)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: