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CaiDog's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 07/27/2014 at 10:48pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, after months of job hunting, I finally got a phone interview with a company. Excited, I prepared for the interview and conducted extensive research on the company. The interview ended within a minute. They'd got the wrong person. FML
by Anonymous / 07/24/2014 at 10:04pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
Today, a man asked me on a date. It's been so long, I accepted immediately. He began quoting what seemed like random numbers to me, and it took me a few minutes to work out what he meant. Not only was I mistaken for a prostitute, I'm also worth, at most, $60. FML
by that kind of girl / 04/01/2014 at 8:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by limping / 01/24/2014 at 6:10pm / Canada / Kids
by fat / 01/07/2014 at 7:41am / United States (South Carolina) / Love
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
by innocent / 01/06/2014 at 4:32pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML
by thanks.... / 01/03/2014 at 4:04pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by LeaveHimAlone / 12/29/2013 at 11:23pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was pouring boiling water into a cup, and I accidentally spilled it all over my hand. My mother responded by slapping me for getting water everywhere. My hand is scorched red, but thanks, I love you too, mother. FML
by Anonymous / 11/07/2013 at 12:12pm / Ireland / Health
Today, I was in a public bathroom with the runs when I noticed my stall didn't have any toilet paper. I was the only one in the bathroom, and I thought I could make it to the stall next to me and grab some with my pants down. I wasn't actually the only one in there. FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2013 at 6:30am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, after my grandma did some early Halloween costume shopping, I witnessed her modeling a "sexy nurse" outfit. After seeing her bare thighs and most of her ass, I don't think I can eat cottage cheese ever again. FML
by fuck my liBLARGHSLJNAdlajdSzxz / 09/05/2013 at 12:39pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy
Today, I was told that the $500 I'm owed for babysitting isn't going to happen. Why? Because after six months of watching a friend's six children, she's moved 120 miles away and no longer needs me. FML
by bexes / 08/27/2013 at 6:29am / United States (Texas) / Work
by really? / 08/13/2013 at 2:58am / United States / Love
Today, this weird kid in class asked me on a date. He claims to be a werewolf. His excuse for not being able to turn into one? A "rare disease." His excuse for everyone rejecting him? "Friend-zoning bitches." I was the last resort even for a jackoff "nice guy" werewolf. FML
by WHAT A NICE GUY YOU ARE, SIR SHITSPAWN!!!1! / 08/09/2013 at 6:13pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/09/2013 at 10:22am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation
- Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, I’m at this huge beach party in Thailand. I kiss a beautiful girl and decide to take it to… Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was…