Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

CaffieneKing

Offline (the 05/04/2015 at 6:04am) | Search for a member

CaffieneKing

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 28 October 1998 (16 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2776
  • Number of comments : 16
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About CaffieneKing : I love music, food, sports, video games, and the various activities. Feel free to communicate with me I guess and thanks for some good laughs in the comments section.

CaffieneKing's page activity

Visits<b>AHotCupOfCoffee</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 12:25am<b>aa1717</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 3:16pm<b>superminty</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 8:17pm<b>kmcruz417</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 6:46am<b>leeleeamber</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 6:36pm<b>Vanshikap</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 3:02pm<b>Ayezed</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 12:38pm<b>KMJ_Reverse</b> - the 05/14/2014 at 3:47pm<b>tuckit</b> - the 05/08/2014 at 8:49pm<b>nelson_92</b> - the 04/15/2014 at 10:21pm<b>pistachiopanda</b> - the 04/15/2014 at 1:23pm<b>cnparks1990</b> - the 04/12/2014 at 4:32am<b>its_bree</b> - the 04/12/2014 at 3:51am<b>PaigeLeeAnn11</b> - the 04/12/2014 at 1:04am<b>capsizedatsea</b> - the 01/25/2014 at 5:37am

CaffieneKing's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of CaffieneKing's badges

CaffieneKing's favorite FMLs

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

#21364648
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30031) - you deserved it (3182)

On 02/27/2015 at 2:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was flipping out because I couldn't find my wallet, and after several hours of cussing myself out, I went downstairs to make breakfast. I poured cereal into my bowl and my wallet flopped out with the Honey Nut Cheerios. I need to stop drinking. FML

#21267969
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24124) - you deserved it (35413)

On 09/29/2014 at 10:13pm - misc - by KasSmoke - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend tried to be dominant during sex. It was so out of character for him, I couldn't help but break into hysterical laughter. FML

#21266104
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40904) - you deserved it (11140)

On 09/26/2014 at 11:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand

Today, my insane roommate yelled at me for using the word "stupid" because apparently it is a slur against mentally disabled people. Later, she went on and on about this "queer" club she's attending to meet "queer" people to talk about "queer" issues. She's not gay. I am. FML

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

#21251632
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44653) - you deserved it (3591)

On 09/04/2014 at 2:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a TV show about wildlife. The moment the narrator said the word "peacock", my boyfriend broke down into hysterical laughter. He laughed to the point of tears, and had to excuse himself. I'm dating a man-child. FML

#21243818
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38675) - you deserved it (8067)

On 08/23/2014 at 1:51pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML

#21243310
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24979) - you deserved it (45198)

On 08/22/2014 at 6:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML

#21243070
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19958) - you deserved it (46345)

On 08/22/2014 at 10:35am - misc - by oops (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boss slapped me across the face with a raw chicken breast. FML

#21243022
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42669) - you deserved it (5146)

On 08/22/2014 at 8:05am - work - by haileelouxxx (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter ant hidden in my bag of pistachios. FML

#21242612
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34159) - you deserved it (3326)

On 08/21/2014 at 5:48pm - misc - by ReluctantAntEater (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML

#21241880
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45441) - you deserved it (7737)

On 08/20/2014 at 6:14pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

#21241836
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52048) - you deserved it (9406)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it's the 16th day of my period. FML

Today, I was pulled over for distracted driving. I'd been eating a donut. Let's just say the officer didn't appreciate being offered one. FML

#21223797
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40722) - you deserved it (14547)

On 07/29/2014 at 2:20pm - misc - by fatty magoo - United States (Washington)



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: