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CVeNgineer

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CVeNgineer
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 519
  • Number of comments : 59
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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CVeNgineer's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

#19959638
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18317) - you deserved it (4030)

On 07/19/2012 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by cortanaisahobot - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a raise at work. It will bring my hourly wage to about a cent more per hour. Our CEO just reported record-breaking profits for the year. FML

#19890540
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18280) - you deserved it (1455)

On 07/04/2012 at 12:41pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got a raise at work. It will bring my hourly wage to about a cent more per hour. Our CEO just reported record-breaking profits for the year. FML

#19890540
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18280) - you deserved it (1455)

On 07/04/2012 at 12:41pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML

#18815086
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21596) - you deserved it (3246)

On 01/15/2012 at 2:26pm - love - by soontobedumped (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my distraught mom called me, saying my dad had killed himself and to come home right away. After cussing out my math teacher for trying to stop me and rushing back home in a taxi, I ran into the living room, only to find my parents laughing so hard they were practically in tears. FML

#18758727
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59663) - you deserved it (2783)

On 01/09/2012 at 6:01pm - misc - by fuckparents (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I came across a picture of my grandpa taking a hit off a bong, while wearing nothing but a Playboy shirt. FML

#18756866
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21571) - you deserved it (3537)

On 01/09/2012 at 1:53pm - misc - by mortifiedgrandchild - United States (Florida)

Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML

#18251877
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15771) - you deserved it (7318)

On 11/14/2011 at 11:51pm - animals - by MY CAR (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to tell all the trick-or-treaters that I'd run out of candy. I'd actually bought about $50 worth of candy, but managed to eat all of it by myself, sitting alone in my apartment, exactly like last year. FML

#18127186
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11375) - you deserved it (39979)

On 11/01/2011 at 5:09am - misc - by candice - Reserved

Today, I rushed home during a torrential downpour. When I got back, I went to take a pee and took off my wet socks while I had the chance. Once I finished, I stood up with used toilet paper in one hand and wet socks in the other. Guess which I tossed into the toilet. FML

#18095448
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15081) - you deserved it (10377)

On 10/28/2011 at 9:30am - misc - by blabla (woman) - Brazil

Today, I finally found out where my great grandmother's antique handheld mirror disappeared to. According to the headmaster, my eleven year old son has been using it to look up his classmates' dresses at school. FML

#18095275
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19478) - you deserved it (2014)

On 10/28/2011 at 8:25am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. After the meal, we all decided to open our fortune cookies and read them out loud. On mine, it said "You will change your mind many times before settling down." I didn't realize what it meant until after I'd read it to them. FML

#18009557
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20393) - you deserved it (3961)

On 10/17/2011 at 8:16pm - love - by pupitre (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the student council gave us our senior class t-shirts. Our theme this year is "Striving for Excellence." Excellence was misspelled. FML

#17975485
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20986) - you deserved it (2412)

On 10/13/2011 at 3:27pm - misc - by brit (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I used a public restroom with very shiny floors. So shiny, in fact, that I could see a clear reflection of the person in the next stall. I'm pretty sure they could see me too. FML

#17877731
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25706) - you deserved it (2488)

On 10/01/2011 at 10:18am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)



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