BurntPorkChops

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Offline (the 12/04/2015 at 6:25am)

BurntPorkChops

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 2404
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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BurntPorkChops's page activity

Visits<b>nevergetsfirst</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 2:49pm<b>jennieeugster</b> - the 01/29/2014 at 7:13am<b>ViRepz</b> - the 11/26/2013 at 7:11am<b>AntiPrude</b> - the 11/05/2013 at 9:56am

BurntPorkChops's FML badges

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

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BurntPorkChops's favorite FMLs

Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2015 at 1:18am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML

by blow me / 08/07/2015 at 12:36pm / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML

by Partners / 06/22/2015 at 3:55pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I accidentally sat on my sister's imaginary monkey. She then stabbed me with a pencil. I still can't get the piece of graphite out of my hand. FML

by vkryss13 / 06/22/2015 at 3:10pm / Guam / Kids

Today, when I turned on the TV, there was a picture of a wanted murderer. The picture looked just like my boyfriend. FML

by 1234 / 06/22/2015 at 7:26am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, while swimming under water, my 80-pound lab thought I was drowning and tried to "rescue" me by jumping in after me, wrapping his front legs around my neck, and standing on my chest. FML

by Angel / 06/21/2015 at 10:16pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, I was invited to a fancy-shmancy charity event, and the host - my friend - told me to wear a long, ballroom, fancy gown. Turns out my friend was just being a dick and it was a pool party. I spent $200 on my hair and makeup alone. FML

by ssondik / 06/21/2015 at 8:50pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML

by hfs palm / 06/21/2015 at 5:37pm / United States / Kids

Today, I went to a job interview, and my father in law's house. As soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and noticed my bloody pantyliner had fallen out at one of these places. I don't know which one is worse. FML

by organizse / 06/20/2015 at 10:03am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend came to my work, at a drive thru, in my car, and then got mad at me because I wouldn't give him free food. In his anger, he put my car in reverse and backed out of line very quickly, only to smash into a paying customer. FML

by ugh / 06/20/2015 at 6:45am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I went to my boyfriends house to meet his parents, and now they have a dead rabbit because I sat on it. FML

by rabbitkiller / 06/20/2015 at 6:42am / China (Nei Mongol) / Animals

Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML

by Anonymous / 06/19/2015 at 3:00pm / United States / Animals

Today, as I finished my piano recital and took a bow, I farted into the microphone. FML

by fartypants / 06/18/2015 at 6:53pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I found out that my grandparents are going to take my car away and sell it because they're pissed I'm moving in with my boyfriend. FML

by allisonpaige21 / 06/18/2015 at 6:31pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister shot my dog with my airsoft gun. When I told my parents, she put on the fakest sobbing I've ever heard, said she didn't even know how to use a gun, and that she saw me shoot my own dog. They believed her and think I need psychiatric help. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2015 at 1:36am / United States (New Jersey) / Animals