Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

BryanaMalik

Search for a member

BryanaMalik
  • Town/Country : one directionville, Harry Louis Zayn Niall Liam
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 10 February 1996 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 76
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About BryanaMalik : I

BryanaMalik's last visitors

meganlovesyou69237582epicRawrzysadrage

BryanaMalik's FML badges

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

BryanaMalik's favorite FMLs

Today, after months of exercise and diets and finally reaching my ideal weight, I told my morbidly obese cousin about my success, hoping to motivate him to do the same. He replied, "Why would it matter, you're still ugly." FML

#20921493
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44179) - you deserved it (4936)

On 10/15/2013 at 1:08pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while at the movies, I had an uncomfortable amount of gas that I couldn't hold in any longer. I waited for a loud part in the movie to conceal it and took my chance. Problem was, the loud part ended abruptly. I didn't. FML

Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML

#20669389
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47942) - you deserved it (13048)

On 05/17/2013 at 5:16pm - health - by -1 friend (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick". One more year. FML

#20581667
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61671) - you deserved it (2899)

On 04/09/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

#20432015
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9141) - you deserved it (31870)

On 12/30/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by Weirdo (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend picked me up from school. It was an unusually sweet gesture from him, and I was flattered. That is, until he told me to sit my ass in the back, so his dog could ride in front with him. FML

#20082214
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16175) - you deserved it (3076)

On 09/21/2012 at 3:10pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while at the store, I realized how socially inept I am when I said "excuse me" to a shopping cart because it was in my way. FML

Today, my distraught mom called me, saying my dad had killed himself and to come home right away. After cussing out my math teacher for trying to stop me and rushing back home in a taxi, I ran into the living room, only to find my parents laughing so hard they were practically in tears. FML

#18758727
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59663) - you deserved it (2783)

On 01/09/2012 at 6:01pm - misc - by fuckparents (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML

#18039986
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15113) - you deserved it (28069)

On 10/21/2011 at 5:27pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, a woman came into the gas station where I work, yelling because her credit card wouldn't read at the pump. I politely told her that I could set the pump up for a set amount, and she could swipe the card at the register. Her response: "You need Jesus." FML

#17727242
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24561) - you deserved it (2182)

On 09/12/2011 at 10:28am - work - by charliemann_ - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was driving with my mom. She had some soda with her from earlier, and even though it was probably warm, I was thirsty. I ask for a sip, she hands it to me and says sure. And I get a mouthful of ash-and-cigarette-butt-filled soda. Apparently she didn't feel the need to mention this to me. FML

#8637899
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20557) - you deserved it (2213)

On 02/25/2010 at 11:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break a watermelon on my head while I was asleep on the couch. FML

#7334131
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27211) - you deserved it (3095)

On 01/14/2010 at 3:46am - misc - by melonhead (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had a big exam. 20 minutes in I could feel people turning round looking at me. I ignored them at first, but towards the one hour mark it got more distracting. I stood up and yelled "Why's everyone staring at me!" I got kicked out. Turns out I was seated directly in front of the clock. FML

#5563519
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7865) - you deserved it (42532)

On 09/30/2009 at 9:36am - misc - by failfailfail - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I woke up feeling like shit after I had spent the whole night taking care of my sick boyfriend. He got up early, feeling great, bouncing around the house. When I finally got up I told him I didn't feel well and he yelled at me for being a bitch in the morning that slows him down. FML

#2833526
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59391) - you deserved it (4522)

On 06/12/2009 at 4:04pm - love - by adderallgirl (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML

#2829311
397 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56087) - you deserved it (10645)

On 06/12/2009 at 12:49pm - love - by unicorn (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: