About Bloothebawss : Hey. I'm Nate. I like stuff, all kinds of it. I'm a big fan of the Dodgers. (Yes I know they suck.). Now shut up, I'm watching TV.
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Bloothebawss's favorite FMLs
Today, Child Protective Services came to my house, because my 7-year-old son told people at school that he was uncomfortable sleeping in his uncle's bed. I had to explain to them that the uncle in question died 2 years ago, and that's why it felt weird. FML
by Anonymous / 06/01/2012 at 3:02am / United States / Kids
Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML
by doggone / 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, I walked into a public restroom to find that they had set up a free health clinic for the homeless; by that I mean that I found one bum inspecting and cleaning the infected, bloody genitals of another bum. FML
by Anonymous / 04/26/2012 at 8:08am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by Capteen / 04/22/2012 at 8:17am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
by Mary Kathryn / 04/22/2012 at 8:09am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I spotted a $100 bill on the ground. Being a little strapped for cash, I excitedly picked it up. I discovered it was one of those religious tract papers made to look like a folded bill, with a message scolding me for being greedy. FML
by Anon / 03/22/2012 at 7:32pm / United States (New York) / Money
by Anonymous / 03/22/2012 at 4:17pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML
by awhmaaan / 02/27/2012 at 10:55am / United Kingdom / Health
by deadhamster / 02/03/2012 at 1:29pm / United States / Animals
Today, my distraught mom called me, saying my dad had killed himself and to come home right away. After cussing out my math teacher for trying to stop me and rushing back home in a taxi, I ran into the living room, only to find my parents laughing so hard they were practically in tears. FML
by fuckparents / 01/09/2012 at 6:01pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML
by Anonymous / 12/23/2011 at 9:49pm / Australia / Health
by newlysingle / 12/14/2011 at 12:15am / United States / Love
by no low five / 11/30/2011 at 6:17am / United States / Love
by robincakes94 / 11/29/2011 at 7:42am / United States / Work
by notsohappilyeverafter / 11/26/2011 at 4:54pm / United States (California) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…