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Bloodknight's favorite FMLs
Today, I made quite an impression on my new bin men by forgetting to put the bin out 'til the last minute. I'm sure they enjoyed a good laugh at the woman in shorts, tank top and slippers struggling with a brolly as she slipped and slid while dragging her bin up a hill in a downpour. FML
by Impressionist / 08/25/2016 at 7:17am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 2:50pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/02/2016 at 3:47pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Holidays
Today, I took my boyfriend of 2 years on a family vacation to meet my family for the first time. We all got really drunk and he made out with my dad. This was day one and we don't fly back for another 16 days. FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2016 at 1:48pm / United States (Oregon) / Holidays
by notonthepavement / 02/15/2016 at 6:04am / United States (Texas) / Health
by Anonymous / 01/02/2016 at 5:31pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/31/2015 at 3:19am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, while on a walk during lunch, I urgently needed to pee. Not thinking I could make it back to the office, I slipped into some bushes to relieve myself. As I was going, I looked to the side and saw two coworkers staring back at me. They were having sex, and I'm there with my dick out. Awkward. FML
by Embarrassed ass. / 10/23/2015 at 12:05am / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, a 60 year old veteran hit on me by pointing to his white hair and saying: "Just because there's snow on the roof doesn't mean there isn't a fire down below." Then he told me vets eat free at Cracker Barrel. FML
by Bex98 / 09/28/2015 at 12:31pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I brutally stabbed a guy to death for smiling at me, then puked and fainted. Then I woke up in bed, panicking, sweating like a pig and crying because I thought my dream was real and I was going to go to prison. I'm never taking sleeping medication again. FML
by Anonymous / 09/25/2015 at 4:14pm / Germany / Miscellaneous
Today, a guy kept flirting with me despite all my hints for him to kindly fuck off and die, so I lied and said I'm a lesbian. This didn't stop him. It got so bad, I had to claim I was born with a dick and say that's why I like girls. Only then did he say "Eeewww..." and back off. FML
by Thai that on for size / 09/25/2015 at 3:56pm / New Zealand (Hawke's Bay) / Love
by Lucachoo / 09/21/2015 at 8:35pm / United States (California) / Money
by mayhemily / 09/21/2015 at 12:22pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, I was confiding in my grandma about how lonely I am and how everything in my life seems to be falling apart. While I was in mid-sentence, she rolled her eyes and made a show of removing her hearing aid. FML
by Anonymous / 09/19/2015 at 1:45am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my son had a secret party. At first I was mad, then I had a complete and total Incredible Hulk meltdown when I realized that he had opened a bottle of very expensive whisky, originally bottled by my great great grandfather in Scotland, and used it as a mixer with fucking Pepsi. FML
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…