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Blade12337's favorite FMLs
Today, after a 2 month relationship, I realized two things: A) Dating a known psycho because "crazy chicks are great in bed" is a dumb idea, and B) What crazy chicks are actually great at is beating the crap out of you and driving you to alcoholism. FML
by yupthissucks / 04/13/2015 at 5:00am / United States (Georgia) / Transportation
by bigmouthedmommy / 04/13/2015 at 1:35am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I had to explain to my rabidly religious brother how two transvestites can buy fish at Petco while he's buying the same fish at the same Petco, and it doesn't equate to hitting on him. It's been two hours, and he's still sitting outside my door reading Bible verses and praying aggressively. FML
by mademoiselle meurtre / 04/12/2015 at 10:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by david99021 / 03/19/2015 at 10:24am / Turkey (Ankara) / Health
Today, when I dropped my 6-year-old daughter off at school, a little boy ran up to her so I asked his name. My daughter explained: "Oh, don't pay any attention to him, he's my slave. He's come to carry my bag. See you later, mom!" FML
by mafille / 03/18/2015 at 11:22pm / France / Kids
Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms. I couldn't find them anywhere, so I nervously asked a staff member for help. She scowled, pointed at the shelf directly behind me, and told me to "Get a life. Or better pickup lines." I'll never live down the snickers from the other customers. FML
by fuck / 03/18/2015 at 1:40pm / Netherlands / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/13/2015 at 3:35pm / Bahrain (Al Manamah) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/06/2015 at 11:26pm / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 03/06/2015 at 10:22pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, my boyfriend's little sister told me she hates me. I thought she was just a jealous, whiny tard like most kids are, until she calmly walked over to the wall and headbutted it hard. She burst into tears, ran out of the room, and told my boyfriend I hit her. He believed her. FML
by single&alone / 03/06/2015 at 3:44pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
by Anonymous / 03/05/2015 at 10:19pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Josh / 03/05/2015 at 7:25pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, during a meal out with my team and bosses, I wasn't drinking. The waiter complained, "If you're not ordering alcohol, how am I supposed to take advantage of you later?" I'm not sure what's worse, the rapey pre-dinner joke or the awkward silence as my colleagues looked on. FML
by pabj208 / 03/05/2015 at 7:07pm / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Work
Today, after a 7 year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside? It was in my dreams and involved a character from My Little Pony forcing itself on me. Now I hate that fucking stupid show more than ever. FML
by love and tolerape, apparently / 03/01/2015 at 2:24pm / India (Jharkhand) / Intimacy
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…