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BlackPhoenixNite

Offline (the 05/03/2015 at 6:16pm) | Search for a member

BlackPhoenixNite

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 18 March 1995 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1519
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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BlackPhoenixNite's page activity

Visits<b>tallguy044</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 10:04pm<b>kjd2593</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 1:31pm

BlackPhoenixNite's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of BlackPhoenixNite's badges

BlackPhoenixNite's favorite FMLs

Today, in a crowded doctor's waiting room, my two-year-old daughter let a loud fart rip. I asked her, "What do we say?" She replied, "IT'S ME!" FML

#21398419
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28307) - you deserved it (4017) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/23/2015 at 8:27am - kids - by bleue - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, I started getting really bad chest pains at work. I googled it and the internet convinced me I was having a heart attack. Scared for my life, I started to dial for an ambulance when I let out the biggest fart you could ever imagine. Turns out it was trapped gas. FML

#21397265
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26130) - you deserved it (9482)

On 04/21/2015 at 3:55am - health - by Not dying. (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, my boyfriend let out a horrible fart in the middle of sex. Even though it was clearly his, he gave me disgusted look, called me a dirty bitch, then kept going. Let's just say I didn't finish. FML

#21396154
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32927) - you deserved it (3202)

On 04/19/2015 at 10:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML

#21378385
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25930) - you deserved it (3104)

On 03/20/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, my boss insisted I go in front of him up the stairs. Out of respect, I insisted he go first. After a few seconds of back and forth insisting, he went. The reason he wanted me to go first was because he had to fart. I inhaled the raunchy gas for over three flights of stairs. FML

#21376143
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26836) - you deserved it (11452)

On 03/17/2015 at 2:12am - work - by Boss Troubles - United States (California)

Today, while on a date, I desperately let out a stealth fart in my date's car. I didn't have the nerve to own up to it, even as he started panicking and thinking the smell was coming from his engine. FML

#21374172
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27745) - you deserved it (7781)

On 03/14/2015 at 12:27am - misc - by thecarisfine (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I woke up this morning in a panic. Last night, I heard scratching at my door, but I thought it was just my cat and went back to sleep. This morning, it hit me that my cat is 600 miles away living with my mom in Iowa. I'm terrified to even sleep now. FML

#21370427
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (132) - you deserved it (2597)

On 03/08/2015 at 10:41am - animals - by no salt, no burning, just STFU (man) - United States

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

#21369938
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33958) - you deserved it (3356)

On 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by killme (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML

#21369803
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (118) - you deserved it (4932)

On 03/07/2015 at 7:14am - animals - by farksh (woman) - Australia

Today, my mother walked in on me watching porn. As punishment, she sat down and made me watch the rest of it with her as she gave play-by-play commentary. FML

#21368964
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44476) - you deserved it (20553)

On 03/05/2015 at 10:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML

#21367918
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86) - you deserved it (202)

On 03/04/2015 at 10:03am - health - by actually just constipated.. and stupid - Tunisia

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

#21359908
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30627) - you deserved it (2568)

On 02/20/2015 at 4:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML

#21351411
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28509) - you deserved it (6486)

On 02/07/2015 at 9:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML

#21350938
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29190) - you deserved it (2765)

On 02/06/2015 at 1:51pm - misc - by valarmorgoolies (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, in a desperate attempt to get fired, I sent a sexual love letter to my boss. We're going on our first date tomorrow. FML

#21350765
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19851) - you deserved it (36228)

On 02/06/2015 at 3:06am - work - by fucked - Singapore



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