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BlackCat5

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BlackCat5
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 185
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

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BlackCat5's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML

#20646351
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29777) - you deserved it (38472)

On 05/06/2013 at 8:52pm - misc - by blondie107 - United States (Texas)

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML

#20596452
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64410) - you deserved it (16810)

On 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Gurior - Canada

Today, I was denied a job because the guy interviewing me said that I was an illiterate blonde girl who used fake words like "plethora" and "viable". I told him I would leave, after he spelled the word "illiterate". He spelled it wrong and had me escorted from the premises. "Eeletterote" my ass. FML

#20569362
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40858) - you deserved it (1895)

On 04/01/2013 at 12:44am - work - by Nefi (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was enjoying a nice bath, when one of my cats jumped up on the rim and started purring. I thought it was sweet, until my other cat ran in and body-slammed the first into the tub with me. Being a conscientious cat owner, I hadn't de-clawed them. FML

#20181270
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17980) - you deserved it (5317)

On 11/27/2012 at 2:52pm - animals - by Neutered (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML

#20142866
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18578) - you deserved it (3107) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/01/2012 at 7:48am - love - by Anonymous - France (Picardie)

Today, during dinner, my daughter rudely cut into my conversation and gushed that she's "like, totally" going to audition for a reality TV show next year, after I pay her way. Five minutes into her jaw-dropping stupidity, I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her out of her chair. FML

#20134692
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20929) - you deserved it (5434)

On 10/26/2012 at 8:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Solihull)

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

#20015702
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26639) - you deserved it (7723)

On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)

Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML

#20015372
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28876) - you deserved it (1752)

On 08/11/2012 at 3:37pm - work - by mikeissad (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my apartment has been echoing all day with the wails of my cat, Butters. He's yet again managed to trap himself in the umbrella stand. In the past, he has eventually gotten himself out, but this time I think I might have to use a hacksaw. FML

#19684579
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15845) - you deserved it (2577)

On 05/26/2012 at 5:35pm - misc - by Dom - South Africa (Eastern Cape)

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

#19297004
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22411) - you deserved it (3980)

On 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm - love - by Brian - United States (Washington)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML

#19279132
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30907) - you deserved it (5591)

On 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by PUA - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML

#19249399
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20720) - you deserved it (17832)

On 03/10/2012 at 1:50am - misc - by starboy - United States (California)

Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML

#18464488
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7343) - you deserved it (68922)

On 12/08/2011 at 10:35pm - misc - by lebato97 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML

#17965176
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22339) - you deserved it (3497)

On 10/12/2011 at 1:14am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)



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