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BjgUsername

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  • Number of visits : 744
  • Number of comments : 119
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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BjgUsername's FML badges

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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BjgUsername's favorite FMLs

Today , Mah Boyfriend Asked If I Could Grow Out Mah Pubic Hair Since I Usually Wax It. He Said His Mom Has A Full Bush And He Always Thought It Looks Better That Way. FML

#20719191
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84140) - you deserved it (6912)

On 06/11/2013 at 8:00am - intimacy - by notyourmom (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today I was out with mah grandma when a pair of very shady guys approachd us in the street hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride she pulld a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck gran? FML

#20640901
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50283) - you deserved it (7092)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

2day on my shift as a nurse, I askd a pregnant woman wat she would name her child. She said she saw the name ( Chlamydia ) on a billboard and decidd to name her daughter that, saying it was ( beautiful. ) I informd her that it was an STD, and she replid, ( Oh, well no one knows that! ) FML

#20482313
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38575) - you deserved it (2535)

On 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm - kids - by andy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, ma wife brougt ma 5-year-old daugter to visit me at te office. My boss as a speec impediment, and wen se eard it, se exclaimed, "Hey ma daddy can sound just like you! Sow im daddy! Sow im!" FML

#20454855
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20067) - you deserved it (40683)

On 01/12/2013 at 3:14am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Yesterday, I went to a concert with mah grlfriend . Some guy grabbd her ass, an I trid to fight him . I endd up with a concussion an a messd up jaw . Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious . FML

#20435818
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42213) - you deserved it (14105)

On 01/01/2013 at 5:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

yesterday at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out an suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML

#20409224
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30261) - you deserved it (6217)

On 12/20/2012 at 4:49pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

2day mah daughter had the words "Alway classy, never trashy" tattood acros her lower back in crappy cursive lettering. She doesn't understand the irony. FML

#20400337
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31892) - you deserved it (3326)

On 12/15/2012 at 3:08am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

my mom bitchd me out and threatend to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently ( immoral behavior. ) This is the same woman who cheatd on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the devil temptd her. FML

#20195064
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35514) - you deserved it (1968)

On 12/07/2012 at 12:06pm - misc - by sonofahypocriticalwhore (man) - United States

Today... my boss called me Dave. Now everyone actually thinks my name is Dave. It's Nathan. I've been working there 4 2 yeres. FML

#20181011
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23962) - you deserved it (2045)

On 11/27/2012 at 8:16am - work - by nato (man) - United States

Today , I ran into mah sister,ho nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

#20179890
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31078) - you deserved it (3544)

On 11/26/2012 at 3:54pm - misc - by Teddy (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a homeless man asked me for some money to eat. He ate the five dollars I gave him. FML

#20161582
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25681) - you deserved it (3784)

On 11/13/2012 at 6:34am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

TODAY, I WAS AT THE LIBRARY USING A COMPUTER TO ORDER A PACKAGE. A MAN SAT DOWN NEXT TO ME MUMBLING TO HIMSELF WHILE STARING AT ME. AS I GOT UP TO GO TO THE PRINTER, HE POINTED AT ME AND SCREAMED, "I WILL BURN U ALIVE AND ENJOY IT!" ALL OF MY INFO INCLUDING MY ADDRESS WAS STILL ON THE COMPUTER SCREEN. FML

#20161493
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22403) - you deserved it (4659)

On 11/13/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by sarahcurtis213 - United States

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to fine that while I was passd out someone stole mah prosthetic leg. FML

#20160279
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33300) - you deserved it (6048)

On 11/12/2012 at 10:10am - health - by poserpilot - United States (California)

Today, just lyk avary morning this month, I woka up, puttad on mah clothas, lookad out mah window, and was pointad at by a man in a ninja outfit on mah naighbor's roof. Tha polica still can't fina him. FML

#20155776
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27232) - you deserved it (2228)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm - misc - by Targeted - United States (Washington)

Today, after moving in with a couple of vegan zoologists a few weeks ago, I discover that they don't believe that we have the right to kill cockroaches, and will not allow me to do so. The house is infested, and it's spread to my bedroom. FML

#20067454
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25353) - you deserved it (3595)

On 09/11/2012 at 11:08am - health - by Stevski (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

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  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

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