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Bauer

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Bauer
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 19699
  • Number of comments : 61
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Bauer : Oh hello. Didn't see you there. Im Bauer. You may know me from such great sites as Reddit or Sarcastic Gamer where I go by the handle "Bauer22".

I enjoy short walks on the beach (Sand sucks), reading a good novel, and watching people fail miserably at life. (Something you may have noted seeing on on this site.

Bauer's last visitors

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Bauer's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Bauer's favorite FMLs

Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML

#2200863
532 comments

I agree, your life sucks (197232) - you deserved it (20883)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by honeymoondisaster (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friend had to take my cat who has a tumor to be put down when I wasn't home since I couldn't bare to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one. FML

#1815627
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (397931) - you deserved it (52930)

On 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm - animals - by catlady (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I walked into the ladies restroom and was shocked to see the guy I've had a huge crush on for two years. Peeing. In the sink. FML

#1413224
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52505) - you deserved it (4797)

On 04/28/2009 at 1:40am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked into the ladies restroom and was shocked to see the guy I've had a huge crush on for two years. Peeing. In the sink. FML

#1413224
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52505) - you deserved it (4797)

On 04/28/2009 at 1:40am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML

#1286671
338 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21195) - you deserved it (66937)

On 04/24/2009 at 11:18am - animals - by Anonymousagb (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I was about to get it on with a girl in the bathroom of my friend's house at a party. Just when things started getting heated, a pipe burst. Literally. There was water everywhere and everyone had to evacuate the building. I was cockblocked by poor plumbing. FML

#1048842
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62877) - you deserved it (10195)

On 04/17/2009 at 3:29am - intimacy - by RotoRooter (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

#1033363
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27381) - you deserved it (258371)

On 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by tvaladie (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML

#981592
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91507) - you deserved it (37711)

On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML

#946704
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (140399) - you deserved it (20541)

On 04/13/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by Hikara (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML

#946704
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (140399) - you deserved it (20541)

On 04/13/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by Hikara (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML

#896114
405 comments

I agree, your life sucks (201375) - you deserved it (19794)

On 04/10/2009 at 1:11am - animals - by lanbon182 - United States (California)

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

#618909
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (183636) - you deserved it (27543)

On 03/26/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by JAY22 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex and I was on top. I was really into it and in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said "oh, look at the time, I gotta get home". She wasn't wearing a watch. FML

#618347
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77166) - you deserved it (14314)

On 03/26/2009 at 4:37am - intimacy - by crap (man) - Thailand (Krung Thep)

Today, I was trying to convince my boyfriend that I am NOT a dumb blonde. After screaming at the top of my lungs, I tripped over a bin and hit my head on a wall. FML

#582886
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17910) - you deserved it (78440)

On 03/24/2009 at 7:10pm - misc - by blondie (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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