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BassBone246's favorite FMLs
Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML
by all puked out / 07/13/2014 at 5:14pm / Netherlands / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, my university considered it an "embarrassment" that I was going to be the first and only person to graduate from my engineering course, so they gave free passes to two guys who hadn't finished their thesis yet. They were congratulated in the newspaper; I wasn't. FML
by jlmed / 06/02/2014 at 7:10pm / Colombia (Valle del Cauca) / Miscellaneous
by really?? / 06/02/2014 at 3:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I told someone about my degree in technical theatre with a concentration in lighting design. They looked at me and said, "You're paid $52,000 a year to turn lights on and off?" And technically, that's correct. FML
by ugh / 06/01/2014 at 6:15pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work
by wendtinmypants / 05/31/2014 at 11:05am / United States (Nebraska) / Love
by save me / 05/30/2014 at 6:33pm / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Miscellaneous
Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2014 at 5:04pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
by Anonymous / 05/30/2014 at 1:28pm / United Kingdom / Animals
Today, a girl asked me out on a date to some hot springs, about 2 hours away. After a mile hike, the springs were finally in sight. She then slipped and cut her shin open. I had carry her the mile back and drive her the 2 hours to the ER, where her parents, whom I'd never met, were waiting. FML
by jonchavez / 05/29/2014 at 7:46pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by chevygirl51 / 05/28/2014 at 5:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, at work I had to explain to a client that male dogs can wear red collars and it doesn't make them "gay". The client then got angry and stormed out of the store, causing me to get written up. FML
by Holyguacamoly / 05/27/2014 at 7:15am / Iceland / Animals
Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML
by Anonymous / 05/26/2014 at 7:37am / United Kingdom (Wolverhampton) / Kids
Today, I explained to my dad that I had spent over three hours baking, frosting, and decorating a cake from scratch and how proud I was of it. Without even looking up at me, he replied, "You really need a boyfriend." FML
by lifesabitch2016 / 05/24/2014 at 2:23am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML
by STOP / 05/08/2014 at 9:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
- Today, I recieved a phone call to say I had gotten a job I really needed. Half an hour later, they… Today, I forgot my headphones at home, which wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to be in the third… Today, I was told I'd need thousand-pound surgery to correct my spinal issue. Tomorrow, my medical…