About BTF989 : I am a pirate.
BTF989's FML badges
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
BTF989's favorite FMLs
Today, I took my last final on a Scantron sheet with 200 multiple choice questions, with seconds to spare. When I finished the last question, I saw I had another bubble to fill in and I didn't know where I screwed up. FML
by testesential / 12/13/2011 at 12:24pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, after I went to collect my pay for babysitting, the girl's dad pulled the old "Can I pay you in Trident Layers?" bull on me. Hoping to show that I wasn't going to play ball, I told him that watching his gran inhale a cock would be funnier. If scowls could kill... FML
by Anonymous / 11/25/2011 at 9:09pm / United States (Nevada) / Money
by dumbassbuffet / 11/11/2011 at 10:53am / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
by lolilovemyboyfriend / 10/19/2011 at 10:37am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML
by CaseyFpC85 / 09/11/2011 at 11:13am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by whatnot / 08/04/2011 at 12:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by footfood / 06/27/2011 at 10:56am / Slovenia (Bohinj) / Intimacy
by Maddie110110 / 06/07/2011 at 12:43am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML
by Anon / 05/07/2011 at 2:08am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Intimacy
by levi Glasscock / 04/15/2011 at 9:52am / United States / Miscellaneous
by sylverster / 03/15/2011 at 8:37am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My sister has been "borrowing" it so she can hold it against her crotch and repeatedly push the vibrate button. FML
by Anonymous / 02/26/2011 at 3:19pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by unlucky dudebag / 01/29/2011 at 2:29am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting in a lecture about the history of the KKK and the problems it has caused, when the weirdest and quietest kid leans over my shoulder and says "I'd burn you first..." and winks. FML
by racist / 10/15/2010 at 2:00am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional… Today, my boyfriend of 6 months said he wasn't going to break up with me, he was just going to stop… Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack.…
- Today, I was looking forward to swimming for the entire day. As soon as I finally got in the water,… Today, I got in to an argument with my girlfriend. Why? Because she wouldn't believe me when I told… Today, my mom decided to delete every one of my guy friends out of my phone. she's actually crazy.…