BTF989

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Offline (the 08/11/2014 at 4:10pm)

BTF989

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3945
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About BTF989 : I am a pirate.

BTF989's page activity

Visits<b>nerdtoninja</b> - the 02/07/2016 at 4:48pm<b>teepeegirl</b> - the 09/06/2015 at 9:00pm<b>yuno_gasai</b> - the 02/14/2015 at 8:42am<b>Flendre_scarlet</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 9:37am<b>gogators941</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 6:43pm<b>imbatmanfir</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 8:27pm<b>hxnnxh</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 5:28pm<b>iHiccupBS</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 10:38pm<b>TaylorWhiteGirl</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 6:50pm<b>Role448</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 12:42pm<b>awiseman</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 11:31pm<b>xHoiHoi</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 5:40pm<b>Chixxapow</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 11:09pm<b>shudson186</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 1:23am<b>notabeachbabe</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 11:13am<b>MzZombicidal</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 6:38am<b>heythisisme02</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 12:25am<b>BFons</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 9:44am

BTF989's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of BTF989's badges

BTF989's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML

by parental failure / 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

by Frostbitten / 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2013 at 1:27pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy

Today, the rollercoaster I was on stuck upside down for a few minutes. I shat myself in terror. Then, gravity took effect. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2013 at 6:10am / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I started charging my phone in the car during a family road trip. The car recognized my iPhone as an MP3 player and started playing the audio from the porn video I watched before we left. Everybody heard. FML

by anonymous / 01/05/2013 at 11:16am / United States / Transportation

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

by Weirdo / 12/30/2012 at 1:39pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

by julia / 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I went bowling. I noticed a 10-year-old holding an iPod Touch which had the exact same customized case with my name on it as my iPod that was stolen a year ago at the same bowling centre. Even better, the parents yelled at me for accusing him. I got kicked out the bowling centre. FML

by davifilo / 10/26/2012 at 5:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, I finally found the perfect quote to open my college essay. Then I found out that the author was one of the founders of the KKK. FML

by Albert / 09/20/2012 at 2:10am / United States / Work

Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML

by LawStudent / 09/19/2012 at 10:54am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML

by Burntintomyretinas / 09/19/2012 at 12:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, thinking I was alone in my house, I went downstairs in my underwear, singing at the top of my voice. I strutted into the kitchen to find two middle-aged men I'd never seen before sat at the kitchen table, drinking coffee. Turns out they will be painting our house for the next two weeks. FML

by Anonymous / 09/18/2012 at 10:48am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom turned off all internet access in our house because she thought I spent too much time on the computer. She later asked me why she couldn't get on Facebook. FML

by Oh_So_Klassical / 09/17/2012 at 9:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML

by WhyAppleWhy / 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy