About BTF989 : I am a pirate.
BTF989's FML badges
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
BTF989's favorite FMLs
Today, I poured my heart out to my now ex-girlfriend over the recent passing away of my grandmother. Her eyes glazed over multiple times, and when I said that I don't know how to cope with everything, her advice was simply, "Shotgun. Mouth. Blam." FML
by Anonymous / 07/06/2013 at 12:13pm / Lithuania (Vilniaus Apskritis) / Love
Today, my daughter asked me to get her razors. When my 19-year-old son saw them he asked what they were for, to which my daughter replied, "For my armpits." My son then said, "Girls don't grow armpit hair." FML
by Anonymous / 07/05/2013 at 12:59am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by bestiality, not even once / 06/14/2013 at 6:29pm / Ireland (Waterford) / Intimacy
Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML
by poisonivyretard / 06/04/2013 at 1:15pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Health
Today, I was texting my boyfriend when he said, "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny, I ran and grabbed my copy of the movie Up, and took a picture of me holding it and sent it to him. He replied, "Getting real tired of your shit." Then dumped me for my "dumb taste in humor." FML
by Anonymous / 05/31/2013 at 12:16am / United States (Utah) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/29/2013 at 3:17am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, I borrowed my boyfriend's laptop. Out of curiosity, I clicked through the bookmarks in his web browser. One of them took me to a site dedicated to sex stories featuring characters from My Little Pony. FML
by bestiality? do I look like a pig? / 05/26/2013 at 4:50pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
by need € for new iron / 05/16/2013 at 3:49pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/16/2013 at 6:51am / Australia / Miscellaneous
by Liferuinedforever / 05/14/2013 at 3:13am / Pakistan (Sindh) / Kids
by future brain bleach addict / 05/02/2013 at 7:54pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/27/2013 at 2:32pm / Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis) / Love
by Anon / 04/22/2013 at 3:19am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML
by fuck you dad / 03/30/2013 at 2:17pm / Ireland (Monaghan) / Miscellaneous
by Why son, why? / 03/20/2013 at 7:07am / United States / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…