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AyooMichelle's favorite FMLs
Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML
by cunning glassist / 03/08/2014 at 3:53pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I walked into my house with a couple of friends and I saw my girlfriend doing laundry. I jokingly asked her if she had time to do a load of mine as well. She scoffed and said, "Yeah babe, I'll gladly do your laundry... The same day you learn to wipe properly." FML
Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML
by nicholascageonyourface / 06/09/2013 at 1:13am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
by offbeans / 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (California) / Kids
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- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, I went to see "Black Swan" with my parents, not realizing that it was basically a porno. So… Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not… Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not…
- Today, I live in Romania and my walls are particularly thin. After enduring my neighbor’s parties,… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me…