About Atvelonis : Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
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Atvelonis's favorite FMLs
by SmellyCloset / 10/05/2014 at 5:34pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my little sister had her second son. She is 31 and she named her sons after her favorite television characters, Sam and Dean Winchester. She has made it her life goal to make sure her husband never finds out. FML
by mykodu / 10/02/2014 at 4:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML
by Anonyme / 09/26/2014 at 2:56am / France (Lorraine) / Animals
by the3goatlady / 09/01/2014 at 12:22pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals
Today, my coworker was telling me about his mom, when he asked about mine. I told him that I've never met my mom, because she died during my childbirth. It's a very painful subject for me, but all the same, my coworkers have decided they'll now only address me as "Tyrion". FML
by the lannisters send their retards / 06/17/2014 at 4:30pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work
Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML
by Anonymous / 05/26/2014 at 7:37am / United Kingdom (Wolverhampton) / Kids
Today, an old lady fell in the street, and I rushed to help her. As I tried to help her to her feet, she started screaming, "She pushed me! She pushed me!" I froze up in shock, and ended up being chased by some guy who thought I'd attacked her. FML
by notgoodwitholdpeople / 05/23/2014 at 12:00pm / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML
by Shit / 04/27/2014 at 1:25pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I'm in Venice for a romantic weekend. While I was gushing about the gondolas, canals and the city of love in general, the only thing my boyfriend could say was, "Wow! How cool is it to be on the set of the Tomb Raider movie?" FML
Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML
by rollergirl13 / 01/11/2014 at 12:55am / United States (Alaska) / Love
Today, everything that was beautiful and pure in my life turned into a terrible, warped version of what it once was. Today, I lost all hope and no longer believe that life, although sometimes shitty, is sweet and worth living. Today, I met my mother-in-law. FML
by Anonymous / 11/07/2013 at 5:21pm / United Kingdom (Derry) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML
by jasmith / 11/18/2012 at 2:45am / United States (Texas) / Love
by Scared / 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
Today, I got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. I called AAA, and they said it would take 2 hours to get there. They called 2 hours later saying they got a flat tire and would be there in another 2 hours. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2011 at 12:45pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with a blood infection, swollen nuts, and an hole in my butt where I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML
by keeperstride / 09/03/2009 at 3:55pm / United States (California) / Health