Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

AtomicDiamond87

Search for a member

AtomicDiamond87
  • Town/Country : United states
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 684
  • Number of comments : 65
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 1 posted

About AtomicDiamond87 : I like talking but also shy... I love rock music mostly. Some rap, hip hop, r&b, techno, classic, electronic, country, and whatever. Lol Ima geek.was in choir in high school and college. Trying to learn the piano and guitar (i still suck at both). I love dancing, not choreographed but just my style. but oh well that's enough about me. if your stopping by say least say hi...? :)

AtomicDiamond87's last visitors

IzzyInWonderlandireply_wlyricsDedicatedNovastupefy

AtomicDiamond87's FML badges

Follow up

You subsequently gave feedback by commenting on an FML that you’d submitted and was published.

One ring to rule them all

You submitted an FML that was successfully published on the website. This makes you an exceptional human being.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

See all of AtomicDiamond87's badges

AtomicDiamond87's favorite FMLs

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

#20793994
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52495) - you deserved it (6065)

On 07/20/2013 at 11:45am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML

#20792109
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47186) - you deserved it (23094)

On 07/19/2013 at 9:54am - work - by Treats For Days - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend began to stroke my nose. "You can pick your girlfriend, but you can't pick your girlfriend's nose," I said playfully. In response, he shouted "Yes, I can!" before painfully jamming his pinky up my left nostril. FML

#20789918
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38096) - you deserved it (13383)

On 07/18/2013 at 3:41am - misc - by booger (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a message from my brother on Facebook that read, "They're watching you." This wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been dead for two years. FML

#20773595
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73153) - you deserved it (3515)

On 07/10/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Wtf (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend nicknamed my vagina after a local waterpark. It wasn't even that annoying until his friends started asking me how much I charged to let people "ride n' slide". FML

#20768896
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49279) - you deserved it (5147)

On 07/07/2013 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by roseland (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my cousin thought it would be cool to put a firecracker in an abandoned birdhouse. Before I could tell him not to, it exploded and about 30 wasps came after me like the wrath of God. FML

#20749556
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46972) - you deserved it (4425)

On 06/27/2013 at 12:27am - animals - by EpicJman2828 (man) - United States

Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML

#20749220
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22733) - you deserved it (29202)

On 06/26/2013 at 9:57pm - misc - by blahblah (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I faced my severe phobia of spiders in order to remove a rather large one from my home. After 20 minutes of desperate struggling, it was finally taken care of. Relieved, I sat down and glanced across the hallway just in time to see a second, equally large spider strutting across the wall. FML

Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML

#20746764
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33102) - you deserved it (2793)

On 06/25/2013 at 4:43pm - misc - by mymomplucksbutthair (woman) - United States

Today, I'm left with two non-refundable tickets to Jamaica, because my now ex-boyfriend said his Quidditch tournament is more important than seeing my "fat ass in a bikini". FML

#20745099
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45878) - you deserved it (5705)

On 06/24/2013 at 7:24pm - love - by afraid of flying too - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML

#20743795
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72793) - you deserved it (6473)

On 06/24/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by jgtrflynn (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I caught my 16-year-old daughter and her boyfriend trying to use a latex glove as a condom. FML

#20735858
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51390) - you deserved it (8165)

On 06/19/2013 at 7:40pm - intimacy - by whatno - United States (Texas)

Today, after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I woke up from a much needed nap realizing I should take my pain medication. My mother then told me she had thrown them out so I wouldn't get addicted and become a drug dealer. FML

#20723014
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53110) - you deserved it (2926)

On 06/13/2013 at 3:05am - health - by _Tatyana_ - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a bug buzzed into my ear. In response, I punched myself in the face. FML

Today, after years of faking pleasure with my boyfriend, I visited the gynaecologist. As soon as she touched my privates I instinctively let out a fake moan. FML

#20720590
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33221) - you deserved it (69317)

On 06/11/2013 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by instinct (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: