AssTard

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AssTard

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 28 June 1993 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1027
  • Number of comments : 170
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

About AssTard : Welcome to my profile. Enjoy your stay. You'll usually find me making a sarcastic remark to a buried comment. I do that because then they'll probally think twice before posting a shitty comment again in fear that I'll return again >:D. Basically, I try to rid this site of bad users and comments through passive-aggressive text. Is it working? Haha, I suspected not... Almost all of my comments are a joke/sarcastic. Don't like my comment/joke/or didn't understand it? Thumb me down and move on, it's not a big deal. Don't argue with me over one of my comments either; I don't give a single fuck about your opinion on my comment. Unless you're just trolling me, I find trolls to be funny, even if I'm the one being trolled. And my favorite regulars on here are: Perdix, PenguinBitch, Pleonasm, NoorFML, and DocBastard once in a blue moon. Message me if you want to talk to me or just joke around. :D

AssTard's page activity

Visits<b>Arnv</b> - the 07/22/2016 at 1:17am<b>Benpie</b> - the 06/18/2016 at 3:53pm<b>1915destroyer</b> - the 05/26/2016 at 1:12am<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 3:51am<b>ZelmaSlayer</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 7:38pm<b>immaloser95</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 2:27am<b>godlytomato</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 2:54am<b>TITOSJ408</b> - the 01/04/2015 at 5:33am<b>adamjcurryy</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 10:54pm<b>Gwen4var</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 2:19pm<b>TEZZ</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 8:15am<b>hope27</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 1:26pm<b>_ibelieve_</b> - the 09/01/2014 at 11:43pm<b>shayle1233</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 7:58pm<b>itsrainingcake</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 2:28am<b>Nsswimmer</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 7:43am<b>curticus</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 2:26pm<b>dodo116</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 2:21am

AssTard's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

See all of AssTard's badges

AssTard's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML

by psychic parents, how do they work? :( / 07/31/2013 at 6:49pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, the people fixing my phone called to say that for some reason, my phone's SIM card has wiped all my contacts except for four, and they are doing their best to try and recover the rest. I had to explain to them that I only had four contacts to begin with. The guy laughed. FML

by Mr.no contacts / 03/31/2013 at 3:00am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML

by Anonymous / 03/28/2013 at 9:13pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

by Anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 4:00am / United States (California) / Holidays

Today, I had to endure a long face-to-face conversation with a coworker who had fierce BO. He had his fingers interlaced around the back of his head the whole time. FML

by stankness / 03/22/2013 at 11:01am / United States / Work

Today, my girlfriend confided in me that she wanted to try bondage. Since I trust her, I said sure. After I was tied to the bed, she tickled me until I pissed myself. FML

by ldn / 03/21/2013 at 1:54pm / Slovenia (Bohinj) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that the smell of chlorine has started to turn me on, probably because my girlfriend has an indoor pool in her house. Guess who works as a swim instructor. FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2013 at 12:08pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I was talking to my boss and he said I was awesome. He went to fist bump me and I missed. FML

by missedfistbump / 03/20/2013 at 10:31am / United States / Work

Today, I decided to turn my life around and start exercising more. I didn't even make it out the door before I tripped and fractured my ankle. FML

by Anonymous / 03/19/2013 at 3:35pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2013 at 1:06am / United States / Work