Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (23 hours ago) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 3 July 1985 (30 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5829
  • Number of comments : 156
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About Aspen_Grace33 : Just turned 30!!! Live in Missouri, USA

I Love Lucy is my very favorite tv show of all time!!! Lucille Ball was a brilliant comedienne and that show is a timeless classic!!!

I work in retail...still....after 12 years...

I love talking to and meeting people from all over the world!!! My best friend actually lives in Japan!

Aspen_Grace33's page activity

Visits<b>platypus546</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 3:32am<b>talas122104</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 2:52am<b>LadyLuck93</b> - the 11/03/2015 at 7:01pm<b>dafuq1</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 8:03am<b>Parkourlife30</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 3:01am<b>lexiieeex3</b> - the 10/28/2015 at 1:41am<b>Envy22</b> - the 10/25/2015 at 1:48pm<b>marvelvsdc</b> - the 10/04/2015 at 2:25pm<b>XxDanno316xX</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 9:03pm<b>Marcelb</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 11:17pm<b>jonjonguapito</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 7:44pm<b>meatball4122</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 3:29pm<b>andrewduncan</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 11:10am<b>JVVortex</b> - the 09/16/2015 at 11:52pm<b>Tyler1128</b> - the 09/16/2015 at 4:16pm<b>drcr</b> - the 09/16/2015 at 4:01pm<b>TCRII</b> - the 09/16/2015 at 11:30am<b>AdamPractical</b> - the 09/16/2015 at 9:38am

Fucked!<b>dafuq1</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 1:03pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 10/25/2015 at 6:49pm<b>XxDanno316xX</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 3:03am<b>venomousflower</b> - the 09/15/2015 at 10:34pm<b>fahadleo66</b> - the 09/15/2015 at 7:37pm<b>khoov19</b> - the 09/15/2015 at 5:28pm<b>persianchick</b> - the 09/15/2015 at 4:36pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/09/2015 at 1:34am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 9:28pm<b>dakatabg</b> - the 05/11/2015 at 7:51pm<b>the_aspect</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 1:11am<b>Xx_Slayer_xX</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 10:00pm<b>allstarrider</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 8:42pm<b>lukian</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 4:20pm

Aspen_Grace33's FML badges

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of Aspen_Grace33's badges

Aspen_Grace33's favorite FMLs

Today, I took my dad out shopping. I managed to pull into a really cramped parking spot and said, "Man, that was a tight squeeze." My dad then looked me in the eyes and said, "So was your mom." FML


I agree, your life sucks (23704) - you deserved it (2707)

On 09/30/2015 at 9:13am - misc - by Nick Pat (man) -

Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24664) - you deserved it (8524)

On 09/29/2015 at 6:00pm - work - by horp - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was on the train next to an elderly woman. When I told her it was my stop, she turned her knees towards the aisle, and I, thinking that she was letting me go by, began to edge past. She screamed, "DON'T PUSH ME!" and the whole train turned to look. I was thus the asshole pushing the old lady. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23225) - you deserved it (1537)

On 09/28/2015 at 10:48pm - misc - by briscoe (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went to clean my cat's litter box, not realizing she was in it. As I lifted the top half of the litter box up, she sprayed me with piss. FML


I agree, your life sucks (20251) - you deserved it (6588)

On 09/28/2015 at 10:32pm - animals - by Js2cool - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after saying I'd edit and revise a coworker's report so he could go home and spend his anniversary with his wife, he sent me a file. Upon opening it, it was pictures of men wearing strange fetish gear while being dominated. He has yet to send me the correct file and I'm scared to ask. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24865) - you deserved it (1778)

On 09/28/2015 at 4:33pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, my 6-year-old daughter touched a tray I'd just pulled out of the oven. I quickly swatted her hand away, but then noticed she wasn't hurt or burned at all. I then gingerly touched the tray and got scalded. My daughter giggled maniacally as I screamed. To be honest, I'm now terrified of her. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27282) - you deserved it (3887)

On 09/26/2015 at 12:10am - kids - by :| (woman) - New Zealand (Nelson)

Today, a guy kept flirting with me despite all my hints for him to kindly fuck off and die, so I lied and said I'm a lesbian. This didn't stop him. It got so bad, I had to claim I was born with a dick and say that's why I like girls. Only then did he say "Eeewww..." and back off. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24014) - you deserved it (2371)

On 09/25/2015 at 3:56pm - love - by Thai that on for size (woman) - New Zealand (Hawke's Bay)

Today, my boss interviewed a prospective employee, my ex-girlfriend. My psycho ex, a kleptomaniac, thinks she's qualified to be a Security Guard. Her background check agrees. FML

Today, there was a big party at my workplace. The only person that was socializing with me in any way was my co-workers 4-year-old daughter. Before leaving, she drew smiley faces on plastic plates and napkins and gave them to me so I "will have some friends and not be all alone". FML


I agree, your life sucks (23547) - you deserved it (1783)

On 09/22/2015 at 5:40pm - misc - by ForeverAlone - Ukraine

Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML


I agree, your life sucks (24675) - you deserved it (1690)

On 09/22/2015 at 9:41am - misc - by gotmilk? - United States (Florida)

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28856) - you deserved it (2939)

On 09/21/2015 at 10:45am - misc - by Gassy - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30271) - you deserved it (2647)

On 09/18/2015 at 10:56pm - intimacy - by Lady Vulva of the Redwater (woman) -

Today, I baked some brownies and after my mom ate one, I joked that I put weed in them. Turns out the placebo effect's a bitch, because she quickly started acting high as a kite. One bitch fit later, the brownies are in the trash and I'm grounded until I tell her where I bought the "weed". FML


I agree, your life sucks (22548) - you deserved it (4995)

On 09/17/2015 at 10:54am - misc - by mother teresa was a cunt (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I invited a girl back to my house and she seemed cool. I then left to go to the toilet. When I came back, there was a giant wet patch on the rug. The girl then blamed it on my dog, whose picture is on the wall. My dog died last week. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25271) - you deserved it (1717)

On 09/16/2015 at 2:26pm - animals - by Urinator - United Kingdom (Perth and Kinross)

Today, I was signing with my deaf brother at a local McDonald's. We were having a laugh about a game we played last night when this morbidly obese woman waddled over to us. She was utterly convinced we were "talking shit" about her and made a scene about our "hand gestures." Seriously? FML


I agree, your life sucks (27492) - you deserved it (1365)

On 09/15/2015 at 6:31pm - misc - by Stairs? Noooooo - United States (California)

Mselle Risa's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • FML Pics : The top 4 pics
  • They say that a picture is worth a boring bunch of words thrown at you by a corporate robot. That's true. Corporate robots are the worst. Anyway, the FML Pics app is still being downloaded all over the…

Tuesday 24 November 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: