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As1anD

Offline (the 03/17/2015 at 6:55pm) | Search for a member

As1anD

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 426
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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As1anD's page activity

Visits<b>Jaredphamtom</b> - the 03/14/2014 at 3:44pm

As1anD's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of As1anD's badges

As1anD's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that the reason my boyfriend hasn't texted me recently is that he'd forgotten he was dating anyone. FML

#21244761
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44741) - you deserved it (5364)

On 08/24/2014 at 11:27pm - love - by angry girlfriend - United States (Indiana)

Today, I found out that the reason my boyfriend hasn't texted me recently is that he'd forgotten he was dating anyone. FML

#21244761
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44741) - you deserved it (5364)

On 08/24/2014 at 11:27pm - love - by angry girlfriend - United States (Indiana)

Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML

#21185495
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52103) - you deserved it (5775)

On 06/23/2014 at 3:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while in the yard, my 18-month-old son decided to take off running into the road, where a car was driving. I rushed after him, only for one of my dress straps to suddenly break without warning. It must have looked like I was trying to flag down the driver with my flailing tit. FML

#21183414
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44308) - you deserved it (5869)

On 06/21/2014 at 7:14pm - misc - by icandothecancan - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML

#21166563
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45644) - you deserved it (6409)

On 06/07/2014 at 10:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML

#21166299
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50017) - you deserved it (5069)

On 06/07/2014 at 5:16pm - health - by wish his dad had worn one (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I clogged my girlfriend's toilet, so being a gentleman, I tried to rectify the situation. I plunged the holy fuck out of that damned toilet, only for her to accuse me of jacking off because I was taking so long. When she stormed in and the smell hit her, she called me a pig. I just can't win. FML

#21159437
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49173) - you deserved it (5185)

On 06/01/2014 at 2:34pm - misc - by shart up, your puns suck (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML

#21158688
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49446) - you deserved it (5465)

On 05/31/2014 at 9:53pm - animals - by disturbed - Ireland

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

#21149341
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43429) - you deserved it (4439)

On 05/23/2014 at 3:32pm - kids - by todaddy (man) - United Kingdom

Today, at my job at a fast-food restaurant, I once again got called into the men's bathroom to break up sex between two homeless people. FML

#21145062
193 comments

Today, trying to be nice, I added this really shy kid from my English class on Facebook. Within minutes, he started going through all my pictures and tagging himself as my breasts. FML

#21142867
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49802) - you deserved it (9585)

On 05/17/2014 at 12:54pm - misc - by creepyyy (woman) - United States

Today, my four year old son came into the restroom while I was applying my make-up, and asked me "Mommy, are you putting on make-up so that someone will love you?" FML

Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML

#21133982
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64137) - you deserved it (8118)

On 05/08/2014 at 9:55am - love - by STOP (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML

#21127339
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42001) - you deserved it (5281)

On 04/30/2014 at 5:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

#21118643
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53517) - you deserved it (7823)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Taylor - United States (Iowa)



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