About ApologyKick : I enjoy life and the outdoors. Nature doesn't care about you. We're all fancy arrangements of carbon based molecules, just like what you ate for breakfast. No wonder there are so many FML's. I'm a drug dealer but it doesn't pay as well as you'd think. Favorite bands include Foo Fighters, Nirvana, RHCP, and Pearl Jam. I enjoy meeting new people so feel free to message me on here or on my kik: .Dillon
ApologyKick's FML badges
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
ApologyKick's favorite FMLs
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend for another girl. This other girl helped me break up with her so we could date. After it was all done, she promptly rejected me and in front of everyone, saying how much of a douche I was for leaving my girlfriend for another girl. FML
by hlewrn / 06/21/2016 at 9:52pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, my boyfriend took me to get the abortion that we both agreed on. He was being so supportive through the whole thing. When it was all over I thanked him for coming. He replied, "Well that's what got us here in the first place!" He's still mad he can't tell anyone his joke. FML
by thatgirl / 06/18/2016 at 5:19pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, as I was getting ready for work, I heard a noise almost like someone was puking all over the bathroom floor. When I went to check, my 14-year-old son was puking all over the bathroom floor. The toilet, however, was pristine. FML
by windsoffate / 06/09/2016 at 12:46pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
Today, my friend, who I'm moving in with, flew up to drive from Pennsylvania to Texas, where she lives, with me. I went to the airport to pick her up and we discovered she accidentally flew to the wrong airport. On the other side of the state. I'm driving through the night to rescue her. FML
by LongDriveNoSleep / 05/24/2016 at 6:38am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I've been begging my boyfriend to get us a dog for months now. This morning, I noticed he'd bought some toilet paper with dogs printed on it. I asked him if it was a sign. He replied, "Yeah, one you can stick up your ass." FML
by Confession / 05/15/2016 at 10:07pm / Belgium / Animals
by anonymous / 04/19/2016 at 11:09pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was hauling cow shit. I had a car following me very closely, so I turned on the spreader to get them to back off. It was a cop. I got pulled over in a tractor for spraying cow shit on a cop car. FML
by farmingman / 04/14/2016 at 7:24pm / United States (Missouri) / Work
Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2016 at 11:44am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by rhymehoardhh / 03/04/2016 at 8:41pm / United States (Texas) / Money
by Coccinelle / 02/05/2016 at 11:36am / France / Work
by VisceralWolf / 01/26/2016 at 1:35am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by hrmpf / 01/19/2016 at 9:37am / Germany (Bremen) / Miscellaneous
Today, I visited my boyfriend's uncle's house for a party. His 8 year old cousin started asking if I like penis, so my reaction was to laugh, spitting my drink on her and her new dress. She can't pronounce peanuts, and I can't visit anymore. FML
by me / 01/02/2016 at 3:25am / United States (Louisiana) / Kids
by pampa31 / 12/14/2015 at 12:21pm / Mexico (Baja California) / Transportation
Today, I had my first job interview in months. The guy chuckled mockingly at my master's degree in philosophy and wound up admitting that he had no idea why I'd even been selected to be interviewed. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2015 at 2:16pm / United States (Iowa) / Work