Alostfart

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Alostfart

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 13 February 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6751
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Alostfart : Hello!

You might wonder who I am and so do I! Anyway, I'm glad to see you! Or well that depends on who you are... Never mind :P

I'm a 15 year old pastafarian girl with a lot of humor! I live in Sweden but I've promised myself that I WILL NOT spend the rest of my life here.

I'm named alostfart cause that's kind of what we all are. Lost farts, flying around looking for the love of our life or the job... Of our lifes...?

Well I'm reading FML because seeing what other people are dealing with always makes your own life suck a little less right? ;)

Thanks for reading this! Bye stranger!

Alostfart's page activity

Visits<b>hannah_cheers</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 3:26pm<b>edenxero</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 2:05am<b>Ashamed_Sister</b> - the 04/12/2013 at 2:10am<b>TechFire</b> - the 03/08/2012 at 8:34pm

Alostfart's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Alostfart's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to a snake. Not because of the size or shape, but because a snake is not something she imagines herself ever touching. FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2012 at 7:50am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to a snake. Not because of the size or shape, but because a snake is not something she imagines herself ever touching. FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2012 at 7:50am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my mother and I went to a meeting at my school about a camping trip the students in my grade will be going on. When the time to ask questions came, my mother raised her hand and loudly asked, "What if my child is on their period during the trip?" FML

by Bebefer / 03/15/2012 at 3:49am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

by CallaC / 03/14/2012 at 10:01pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous

Today, a Russian guy came up to me on the train and informed me that I look exactly like a typical Russian woman. He then went on to explain that I even had enough fat to survive their cold winters. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2012 at 2:15am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML

by anonymous / 03/14/2012 at 1:18am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML

by Emma Five / 03/13/2012 at 11:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML

by Simms / 03/13/2012 at 10:32pm / United States / Work

Today, I hooked up with my ex-girlfriend, after she confessed to still being in love with me. I logged into Facebook after she left, only to find her status set to "I think I just made a big mistake." FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2012 at 7:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my dad insisted on having a family movie night. He chose the movies Jaws and Mayday. I'm going on a diving expedition tomorrow. FML

by Samantha / 03/13/2012 at 1:59pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my therapist gave me some great self-sufficiency advice. It sounded familiar. When I got home I realized she had been quoting Christina Aguilera songs. For £100 an hour. FML

by PixieWrists / 03/13/2012 at 1:33pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Health

Today, while at work, a man came up to me and screamed that I was the devil's child, pointing at the tattoo on my wrist the whole time. I just stood there while he prayed for my soul. FML

by lovefortoday / 03/13/2012 at 12:50pm / United States (Indiana) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up sweating and gasping for air after having a terrible nightmare. The nightmare involved my deceased mother-in-law bitching me out for being a bad influence on her daughter and threatening to cut my nuts off. Even in death, she won't leave me be. FML

by lanu / 03/13/2012 at 12:13pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a mild epileptic seizure. My mom's immediate reaction was not to comfort me or call for help, but to freak out over the fact that I'd spilled my glass of milk over the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2012 at 12:08pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2012 at 8:51am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Intimacy