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Alocer

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Alocer
  • Town/Country : Rockville, U.S.A.
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 11 May 1985 (28 years)
  • Number of visits : 254
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Alocer : ...and here we have a profile... yep... it's that interesting...

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Alocer's favorite FMLs

Today, my mother kept nagging at me because my 9-month-old daughter only calms down when I play her metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will turn into a "devil-worshipping lunatic like her mother". FML

#20915864
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39875) - you deserved it (4371)

On 10/10/2013 at 11:04pm - kids - by SlapAndTickle - United States

Today, someone stole my umbrella. It was pouring heavily, and I was using it at the time. FML

#20914908
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36032) - you deserved it (2552)

On 10/10/2013 at 7:27am - misc - by happyturtle (woman) - Croatia

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing me of always making important decisions for her. All I did was get her some food from Taco Bell as a surprise. FML

#20912485
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51973) - you deserved it (4780)

On 10/08/2013 at 1:57pm - intimacy - by hubby - United States

Today, being so desperate for money, I accepted a job in which I get shot at with paintballs for 6 hours. FML

#20911674
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39194) - you deserved it (4659)

On 10/07/2013 at 10:08pm - work - by BOHICA123 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

#20908563
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39792) - you deserved it (7287)

On 10/05/2013 at 4:23pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I moved into a new house, I couldn't help but notice a car alarm going off, so I investigated my neighbors. Turns out it's their bird. It imitates chainsaws, car alarms, and much more. FML

#20908147
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40512) - you deserved it (2846)

On 10/05/2013 at 9:51am - animals - by Mike Messenger - United States (Florida)

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I got to the frozen foods, I saw some lean pockets, which I haven't had in forever, so I bought a couple of boxes. Around lunch time, I was hungry and thought I could have some, until I realized why I stopped buying them: I don't have a microwave. FML

#20908021
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20762) - you deserved it (35177)

On 10/05/2013 at 4:17am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom started getting ready for the Rapture. FML

#20906662
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31109) - you deserved it (2474)

On 10/03/2013 at 11:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a ticket for speeding in a school zone. The school hasn't even been built yet. FML

#20905615
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46202) - you deserved it (8111)

On 10/03/2013 at 2:23am - money - by joecool3426 (man) - United States

Today, after 6 months of sex, my boyfriend showered himself with praise for managing, for the first time ever, to stretch the act out to a full minute. FML

#20905202
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43766) - you deserved it (4850)

On 10/02/2013 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by Sooz (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML

#20903328
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38417) - you deserved it (4639)

On 10/01/2013 at 1:32pm - animals - by NestHead (woman) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

Today, I smelled chicken nuggets and asked my boyfriend if he was making some. He wasn't. It was my armpits. FML

#20902037
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20244) - you deserved it (36221)

On 09/30/2013 at 3:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, we got my dad an iPad for his birthday. I had to repeatedly reassure him that he could in fact touch the screen without being shocked. FML

#20899491
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35522) - you deserved it (3425)

On 09/28/2013 at 5:40pm - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, in a fit of jealousy over my recent muscle growth, my brother told our mom that I've only been going to the gym so I could smoke weed with my friends. She believed him and grounded me. FML

#20899473
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38778) - you deserved it (2414)

On 09/28/2013 at 5:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my gran came over for dinner, for which I had to go grab some supplies from the supermarket. I guess I should have locked my laptop, because when I came back, I found my gran had used my Facebook account to propose to my now-ecstatic girlfriend. FML

#20897003
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38734) - you deserved it (4957)

On 09/26/2013 at 4:36pm - love - by my gran is a cuntwaffle (man) - United Kingdom



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