AlmightyZamorak

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Offline (the 10/26/2014 at 2:42am)

AlmightyZamorak

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 790
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About AlmightyZamorak : Do you even English, bro?


I game. A whole lot. My life revolves around Battlefield and World of Tanks.

AlmightyZamorak's page activity

Visits<b>ZombieVampirez</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 5:22am<b>Vanillanougat</b> - the 12/03/2014 at 4:05pm<b>Askzombie</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 6:24am<b>mimihuseen_</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 7:10am<b>CelticKing</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 5:05pm<b>summer135790</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 11:35pm<b>Khaleesi_26</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 5:15pm<b>moonlightknight</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 11:52pm<b>Nordrag</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 4:58pm<b>Garrett2818</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 3:52am<b>coopchick</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 12:27am<b>CFB_FRS</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 7:55pm<b>derpina15</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 10:02pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 3:23pm<b>spockadelic</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 8:12pm<b>mathen</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 2:51am<b>ALegitOreo</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 2:54pm<b>sheba72</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 4:01pm

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AlmightyZamorak's favorite FMLs

Today, my laziness reached a whole new level when I caught myself skipping the longer FML stories to read the shorter ones. FML

by eh / 10/06/2014 at 3:12pm / Azerbaijan (Baki) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

by embarrassed / 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was at the mall in the food court, when some guy asked for my number. I turned him down, but I was impressed with how ballsy he was. Without thinking, I said, "I like your balls!" Half the place instantly fell silent. FML

by akaka / 07/14/2014 at 9:38am / United States (Ohio) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my fiancée has been saying, "Shit's gone cray-cray" for over a week. I finally snapped. When I was done ranting, she murmured, "Baby, don't be cray-cray". FML

by oh my fucking god / 07/10/2014 at 9:34am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Love

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

by ninnang / 07/09/2014 at 5:37pm / United States (Hawaii) / Work

Today, I had to explain what "cashback" was to a customer. She called me a liar and wanted to talk to a manager because she felt I made up the concept. I'm the manager. She wouldn't believe me and waited in the store for an hour. Apparently this is what a Masters degree gets me. FML

by where do they come from / 07/01/2014 at 12:26am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I had a job interview where I was interrupted for using the word creative because there is "only one creator". FML

by IAMALITAHA / 06/27/2014 at 2:11am / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Work

Today, I almost got written up for insubordination by my boss. All I did was explain to him that I couldn't help a tourist out because I speak Japanese, not Korean, and that it's not in fact "the same Asian shit" as he seemed to think. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2014 at 11:28am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, my laziness reached an all-time high. I had a dream that I was at school and had spilled all the contents of my backpack onto the floor. I then purposely shook myself out of my sleep to avoid cleaning up the mess in my dream. FML

by Anonymous / 06/16/2014 at 12:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML

by ldrik1 / 06/11/2014 at 4:36pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML

by wish his dad had worn one / 06/07/2014 at 5:16pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, my son got in serious trouble after he was caught trying to sell weed to people in the street. The good news is that the "weed" was just actual weeds he'd pulled from our lawn. The bad news is that at age 16, my son is too stupid to know the difference. FML

by idiot says "you raised him" / 05/31/2014 at 5:30pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, thanks to my phone's shitty predictive text combined with me being half-asleep, I accidentally offered my heartbroken buddy "oral support" if he ever needs it. FML

by whoops / 05/25/2014 at 5:23pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend saw my boobs for the first time. His reaction was, "Well that's... disappointing". FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2014 at 11:54am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took a pregnancy test because I'd missed a few periods, gained weight, and been moody. Turns out I'm just fat and moody. FML

by thanks4support / 05/14/2014 at 9:12am / United States (Ohio) / Health