About Allornone : I was born. Eventually, I will die. In the meantime, I lurk on FML.
Allornone's FML badges
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Allornone's favorite FMLs
Today, I got back from camp. My camp-mates? A girl who refused to shower the entire week, a girl who threatened to hurt me several times, a snorer, my princess of a sister who took forever in the mornings, and a counselor who watched us sleep. FML
by Tireddddddd / 07/31/2011 at 1:45am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by crazygirl12 / 07/29/2011 at 11:18am / United States (Missouri) / Work
Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML
by Anonymous / 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/18/2011 at 12:26am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by illenram06 / 07/11/2011 at 11:37am / Philippines (Roxas) / Love
by Ben / 06/18/2011 at 11:34am / United States (California) / Kids
by Devon / 05/19/2011 at 9:38pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML
by ali grace / 05/14/2011 at 7:15am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I woke my husband up at 2am, screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally says, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four year old daughter with her blanket. FML
by BadgerSpirit / 04/27/2011 at 9:35am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML
by ShakeRattleHiss / 04/20/2011 at 11:25am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I had a seizure. My dad responded by saying it always happens with my disease. I never have had a disease. Now I have to wait for my dad to stop yelling at my mom about not telling me, so I can ask what I have in the first place. FML
by aldfgadfklbg / 03/13/2011 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, I was so lonely, I wound up talking for two hours to the creep who calls my number every Friday night and makes creepy obscene breathing noises on the other end of the phone. Turns out he's a better listener than my husband. FML
by Anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 1:17am / United States (Ohio) / Love
by yournick / 01/31/2011 at 4:23pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy
by timor / 12/18/2010 at 11:13am / United States (Arizona) / Love
- Today, I had to pee so bad that I ran downstairs with no glasses on and stumbled into the bathroom,… Today, I got a completely random boner at a coffee shop, five seconds before two attractive women… Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what…