About Allornone : I was born. Eventually, I will die. In the meantime, I lurk on FML.
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You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Allornone's favorite FMLs
by anonymous / 01/16/2012 at 2:55pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I happened to make eye contact with a stranger standing on a balcony of the apartment building across the train tracks from mine. He ran his finger across his neck like a knife and winked at me. I'm afraid to go out again. FML
by Dani / 01/12/2012 at 5:35am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards, he said he was in love with me and that he wants to be with me forever. It was also at this time I realised that I can't stand him. FML
by Anonymous / 01/09/2012 at 10:30pm / Australia / Intimacy
by liLbob6598 / 01/09/2012 at 9:34pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by aylla / 01/06/2012 at 12:51pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Health
by blondie101 / 12/09/2011 at 1:11am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML
by Anonymous / 11/30/2011 at 10:11pm / United States / Intimacy
by Jane / 11/24/2011 at 8:57am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
by Faithful / 11/24/2011 at 5:01am / Singapore / Intimacy
by optimistic2628 / 10/19/2011 at 10:03am / United States / Kids
Today, my boyfriend of 3 years felt comfortable enough with me to disclose that he had previously spent 4 years in a mental institute because he tried to kill his mother. He also told me we will be together forever. I'm scared. FML
Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
by TraumatizedMother / 10/02/2011 at 3:27am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML
by awesomekidsmum / 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I will be sleeping in my aunt and uncle's living room. It is 90 degrees. There is an air conditioner but if you turn it on, the raccoons living in the wall will get pissed off and try to claw through the wall. Only five more nights sweating my balls off or imagining racoons having angry sex. FML
by ironik970 / 09/17/2011 at 2:56am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by The_Taxman / 08/20/2011 at 6:20pm / United States (Indiana) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…