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Allornone

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Allornone
  • Town/Country : Miami, FL, U.S.
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1701
  • Number of comments : 79
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Allornone : "I know i was born; I know that I'll die... -vedder

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Allornone's favorite FMLs

Today, I was diagnosed with vertigo. It's like being perpetually drunk, but without any of the fun bits. FML

#18725965
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22505) - you deserved it (1893)

On 01/06/2012 at 12:51pm - health - by aylla - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

#18465913
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8733) - you deserved it (67998)

On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States

Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML

#18398754
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27401) - you deserved it (3490)

On 11/30/2011 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, at the point of orgasm, my boyfriend screamed out, "Is this all there is?!" then rolled over and stared blankly at the ceiling without speaking for ages. This happens a lot. FML

#18335372
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33034) - you deserved it (5317)

On 11/24/2011 at 8:57am - intimacy - by Jane (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML

#18334603
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43453) - you deserved it (6838)

On 11/24/2011 at 5:01am - intimacy - by Faithful - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years felt comfortable enough with me to disclose that he had previously spent 4 years in a mental institute because he tried to kill his mother. He also told me we will be together forever. I'm scared. FML

#18005142
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49865) - you deserved it (4637)

On 10/17/2011 at 6:02am - love - by bubba - China

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

#17884513
422 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28076) - you deserved it (8451)

On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I will be sleeping in my aunt and uncle's living room. It is 90 degrees. There is an air conditioner but if you turn it on, the raccoons living in the wall will get pissed off and try to claw through the wall. Only five more nights sweating my balls off or imagining racoons having angry sex. FML

Today, my girlfriend of two years confessed that she'd gotten married. But not to worry: she only did it for "tax reasons." FML

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30022) - you deserved it (8709)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. And now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML

#17349963
375 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46567) - you deserved it (2413)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:04am - misc - by soccerbuddyz - United States (Florida)

Today, I got back from camp. My camp-mates? A girl who refused to shower the entire week, a girl who threatened to hurt me several times, a snorer, my princess of a sister who took forever in the mornings, and a counselor who watched us sleep. FML

#17316346
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28382) - you deserved it (2676)

On 07/31/2011 at 1:45am - misc - by Tireddddddd (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while working at Kohl's this woman came up to me and asked if I was Native American, I said yes, she then says "Oh! I thought you guys went extinct." This is the country I live in. FML

#17297056
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40895) - you deserved it (3233)

On 07/29/2011 at 11:18am - work - by crazygirl12 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I spent the entire day in my room trying to figure out how to get rid of my psycho boyfriend without dying. FML

#17065483
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37250) - you deserved it (4772)

On 07/11/2011 at 11:37am - misc - by illenram06 - Philippines (Roxas)

Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML

#16258570
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31547) - you deserved it (19667)

On 05/19/2011 at 9:38pm - misc - by Devon (man) - United States (Vermont)



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