About Allornone : I was born. Eventually, I will die. In the meantime, I lurk on FML.
Allornone's FML badges
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Allornone's favorite FMLs
by BlondePsycho / 12/29/2014 at 11:14pm / United States (New York) / Work
Today, I bought my cat a fun toy at the one of a kind craft show. It has catnip in it, which he loves. He flipped out, so I took it away. He won't stop trying to break into the cupboard I put it in. My cat has a drug problem. FML
by allykat / 12/02/2014 at 7:56pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by spooked / 11/05/2014 at 3:44pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by whotouchedyou1 / 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, after having asked me out on Monday, the guy I like angrily cancelled our date because I "hadn't bothered" even talking to him for "several days". One day. You didn't hear from me on Monday. It's now Tuesday. That's one day, dick. FML
by fartbucket51995129565 / 06/10/2014 at 2:29pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, my brain decided to go into suicide mode. So far I've managed to open a fridge door into my face, walk balls-first into the corner of a table, and sliced my finger while trying to cut open some thick plastic packaging with scissors. I'll probably be dead by the time this is posted. FML
by FMyBrain / 06/06/2014 at 5:26pm / United States (Alaska) / Health
by Idk / 05/29/2014 at 2:46am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, after finishing an essay at the library, I fell asleep and had a dream about the essay crawling out through my laptop screen and trying to kill me. I woke by the librarian shaking me and telling me to stop screaming. I was mortified. FML
by systematicpanic / 03/20/2014 at 12:48pm / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Work
by Silver_Jet / 03/05/2014 at 8:59pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 01/11/2014 at 1:52pm / Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional) / Animals
by anon / 12/27/2013 at 2:28am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
by InsertPopcicle / 11/22/2013 at 1:53am / United States / Miscellaneous
by awkward / 11/06/2013 at 4:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to get over my lifelong fear of Michael Jackson. I went to have my photo taken with a statue of him. Little did I know, for Halloween week they replace the statues with real people. It jumped out at me; I'm never getting over this fear. FML
by Shady_Soldier / 10/31/2013 at 4:41am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…