Alkpwn

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Offline (the 02/20/2016 at 5:59am)

Alkpwn

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 820
  • Number of comments : 16
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Alkpwn's page activity

Visits<b>eminemineminem</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 11:47am<b>JayVicious</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 11:58pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 9:43pm<b>thebestgirl105</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 4:17am<b>hunteryager</b> - the 03/08/2014 at 10:39pm<b>FracturedMinds</b> - the 03/07/2014 at 11:20pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 02/23/2014 at 9:27pm<b>brainbleachplz</b> - the 02/18/2014 at 11:25pm<b>luke_nylan</b> - the 12/12/2013 at 7:02pm<b>Mistress420xX</b> - the 11/06/2013 at 3:19pm<b>Typicall</b> - the 10/20/2013 at 7:32am<b>Turbo_Turtle</b> - the 09/26/2013 at 5:19pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 09/17/2013 at 6:31am<b>punkyboy</b> - the 08/17/2013 at 5:43pm<b>stonage81</b> - the 08/17/2013 at 5:12am<b>sfi20</b> - the 08/07/2013 at 12:49pm

Alkpwn's FML badges

Consolation prize

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Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

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Alkpwn's favorite FMLs

Today, after months of trying to train my cockatiel to perch on my finger, he finally trusted me enough to fly from his cage and land on my hand. I panicked and accidentally backhanded him across the room. FML

by parasheeeet / 01/13/2016 at 12:05pm / United States (Alabama) / Animals

Today, I went through an entire roll of toilet paper in just over an hour. You win this time, questionable pork souvlaki. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2015 at 7:46pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2015 at 3:35am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I got confused and said grace before brushing my teeth. FML

by oops / 09/26/2015 at 10:24pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light next to an ice cream van. The man in it turned to me and winked, making sexual hand gestures. I felt my childhood die horribly as I watched. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2014 at 8:30pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, I got my graduation photos back. I'd sent them to a friend for touching up, but unfortunately we had a major argument recently. I guess that's why in the photos I've been photoshopped out and replaced with a goat. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2014 at 1:37pm / United States (Texas) / Geek

Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2014 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Love

Today, after beating myself up for being useless and not being able to do anything right, I managed to choke almost to the point of blacking out, on a piece of lettuce. FML

by failureatlife / 04/27/2014 at 3:16pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2014 at 9:19pm / Norway (Nordland) / Work

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

by Ow / 04/18/2014 at 7:09am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I was in bed staring at two red lights coming from my DVD player. They reminded me of the terminator movies, and I had to unplug it. I'm 23 years old and scared of The Terminator. FML

by scaredypants123 / 03/07/2014 at 10:41am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, he started sucking on my breast. He ended up popping a pimple on it into his mouth. He threw up and that, as they say, was the end of that. FML

by Anonymous / 02/18/2014 at 2:49pm / Virgin Islands, U.S. / Intimacy

Today, my fiancé left me waiting at the train station for two and a half hours because he offered his ex-girlfriend a lift to her friends wedding that was a few cities away. I normally wouldn't have minded, but I'm 6 months pregnant and it was pouring with rain. FML

by ali456 / 12/01/2013 at 10:16am / United Kingdom (Dudley) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML

by B_and_W / 11/21/2013 at 6:35am / France / Kids

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy