About Ali_Br : I try not to be serious in anything I say on here. My humor is sometimes morbid,So most of the advice I give will lead you down a dark alley with two shaded figures holding something shiny...Or not. ;)I'm a college graduate. I have decided to submit an FML for every year of my life. Hey, why not?I usually use an iPod for this site, so I do not always capitalize at the beginning of sentences. (Especially since I write a lot) I try not to be a grammar Nazi. We are all human, (Except for those who state otherwise lqtms) and mistakes happen. C'est la vie.I like French, and finally got to study it in college, so I read VDM and MDR whenever I understand the stories.(Oh, and while you are reading my profile, I'm not interested in internet dating. Many times while scrolling with my iPod, my finger hits a picture, and it opens up a profile. Sorry, unless your pic has small words that require a closer view of the pic to read, it was most likely an accident)
Ali_Br's FML badges
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Ali_Br's favorite FMLs
Today, a downstairs neighbor of mine claimed money from me because apparently my dog took a dump on the fire escape, and the poop fell through the grates and on her groceries. I don't have a dog, but I paid the money anyway, because I was too ashamed to tell her it was my husband. FML
by Zoe Avila / 08/09/2011 at 6:55pm / United States / Animals
by Username / 08/09/2011 at 5:21pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML
by NaomiMadison / 07/30/2011 at 1:15am / United States / Kids
Today, while on student exchange in Germany, I was making myself a cup of coffee. When I rummaged around in the fridge, my room-mates asked me what I was looking for. I said I wanted to put "samen" in my coffee. They laughed. Ah yes, "sahne" means "cream". "Samen" means "sperm". FML
by Hum / 07/02/2011 at 5:50pm / Switzerland (Ticino) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/05/2011 at 6:43am / France (Alsace) / Love
Today, as I was about to go in the bathroom, a girl walked out, shaking water off her hands. Some of it landed on my face, and I just wiped it off. Then she said to her friend who was waiting for her, "The sink's broken. Can I use your hand sanitizer?" So what landed on my face? FML
by anon / 03/05/2011 at 5:15am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my boyfriend was inside a cell phone store talking to a sales guy while I waited outside. I sent him a text, not realizing that the guy was using his phone to call customer service. A topless photo of me shows up on his phone when I text him. The sales guy looked. Twice. FML
by LLCoolBean / 03/03/2011 at 3:32am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by JustADream / 02/24/2011 at 1:29am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 8:28pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
by Anonymous / 01/08/2011 at 8:11pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I hit a parked car which was sticking out in the road and practically unavoidable. I left a note on the windshield saying, "You deserved to get hit - you park like an asshole." Later I realized that the paper I tore to write on was the back of my bank statement, name and address included. FML
by Anonymous / 01/04/2011 at 3:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation
Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML
by Anonymous / 01/04/2011 at 4:01am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Intimacy
Today, I had to go to the bathroom. I was in a rush, so I went into the boys bathroom. I then had diarrhea. The entire basketball team was waiting for me outside the stall. They did a slow clap for me. FML
by Anonymous / 12/20/2010 at 9:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Health