About Ali_Br : I try not to be serious in anything I say on here. My humor is sometimes morbid, So most of the advice I give will lead you down a dark alley with two shaded figures holding something shiny...Or not. ;) I'm a college graduate. I have decided to submit an FML for every year of my life. Hey, why not?I usually use an iPod for this site, so I do not always capitalize at the beginning of sentences (especially since I write a lot.) I try not to be a grammar Nazi. We are all human, (Except for those who state otherwise lqtms) and mistakes happen. C'est la vie. I like French, and finally got to study it in college, so I read VDM and MDR whenever I understand the stories. (Oh, and while you are reading my profile, I'm not interested in internet dating. Many times while scrolling with my iPod, my finger hits a picture, and it opens up a profile. Sorry, unless your pic has small words that require a closer view of the pic to read, it was most likely an accident)
Ali_Br's FML badges
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Ali_Br's favorite FMLs
Today, I farted so loudly I not only woke myself up, but my husband as well. He mistook my gas for someone trying to break in and insisted on checking the whole house. I was too embarrassed to tell him the truth. FML
by gassymomma / 04/28/2014 at 12:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML
by Anonymous / 04/27/2014 at 1:05pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I locked myself out of my dorm room. I walked across campus, shoe-less and in nothing but my bathrobe, to find someone who could let me back in. Turns out I hadn't even shut the door properly and so it never actually locked. I can still hear the guy laughing at me. FML
by killmenow / 04/23/2014 at 10:54am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by Almost_Homeless / 04/23/2014 at 8:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister backed out of my wedding because it was becoming too much about me. After I begged her to reconsider, I had no choice but to pick a new bridesmaid. When my new bridesmaid posted on Facebook how excited she was, my sister commented, "See, you made HER feel special." FML
by chumpslolo / 07/25/2013 at 6:55am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML
by Anna L. / 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by ldn / 03/21/2013 at 1:54pm / Slovenia (Bohinj) / Intimacy
by nopanties / 03/04/2013 at 12:11am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
by yourmainman / 01/28/2013 at 12:03am / Canada / Intimacy
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
by Anonymous / 01/27/2013 at 1:03am / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, after a surprise candlelit dinner and a two bottles of wine for my birthday, my boyfriend and I decided to take a sexy shower together. It ended with us both drunk, naked, and crying, wedged into a small tub together, talking about our dead pets. FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2012 at 1:46am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/09/2012 at 2:50pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation
by yikes / 04/21/2012 at 4:36am / United States / Animals
Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML
by rapper in training / 02/10/2012 at 8:02pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by KDM / 02/05/2012 at 2:39pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous