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Ali_Br

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Ali_Br
  • Town/Country : Bronx, USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 6578
  • Number of comments : 466
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 25 posted

About Ali_Br : I try not to be serious in anything I say on here. My humor is sometimes morbid,So most of the advice I give will lead you down a dark alley with two shaded figures holding something shiny...Or not. ;)I'm an undergrad. I have decided to submit an FML for every year of my life. Hey, why not?I usually use an iPod for this site, so I do not always capitalize at the beginning of sentences. (Especially since I write a lot)I try not to be a grammar Nazi. We are all human, (Except for those who state otherwise lqtms) and mistakes happen. C'est la vie.I like French, and am currently studying it in college (AT LAST) so I read VDM and MDR whenever I understand the stories.(Oh, and while you are reading my profile, I'm not interested in internet dating, or the people on this site. Many times while scrolling with my iPod, my finger hits a picture, and it opens up a profile. Sorry, unless your pic has small words that require a closer view of the pic to read, it was most likely an accident)

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Ali_Br's FML badges

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

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Ali_Br's favorite FMLs

Today, my sister backed out of my wedding because it was becoming too much about me. After I begged her to reconsider, I had no choice but to pick a new bridesmaid. When my new bridesmaid posted on Facebook how excited she was, my sister commented, "See, you made HER feel special." FML

#20802578
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47932) - you deserved it (3385)

On 07/25/2013 at 6:55am - misc - by chumpslolo - United States (Ohio)

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

#20558527
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27269) - you deserved it (5311)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend confided in me that she wanted to try bondage. Since I trust her, I said sure. After I was tied to the bed, she tickled me until I pissed myself. FML

#20553692
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47196) - you deserved it (11113)

On 03/21/2013 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by ldn (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

Today, my boyfriend ripped my panties trying to get them off. Not off me, off himself. FML

#20530380
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42859) - you deserved it (5535)

On 03/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by nopanties (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

#20482358
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41957) - you deserved it (11608)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

#20480710
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28307) - you deserved it (3295)

On 01/27/2013 at 1:03am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, after a surprise candlelit dinner and a two bottles of wine for my birthday, my boyfriend and I decided to take a sexy shower together. It ended with us both drunk, naked, and crying, wedged into a small tub together, talking about our dead pets. FML

#19702897
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27547) - you deserved it (6899)

On 05/30/2012 at 1:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as I pulled to a halt at a stop sign, a cyclist ripped through the air, slammed straight into my fender, and almost launched over my car. I ended up being cited for reckless driving. FML

#19597798
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15841) - you deserved it (1320)

On 05/09/2012 at 2:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

#19504984
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24663) - you deserved it (3058)

On 04/21/2012 at 4:36am - animals - by yikes - United States

Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML

#19043614
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19436) - you deserved it (1824)

On 02/10/2012 at 8:02pm - misc - by rapper in training (man) - United States

Today, I realised how socially inept I am, when I muttered an apology to my laptop after I noticed I hadn't plugged its charger in. FML

#19001637
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18936) - you deserved it (5696)

On 02/05/2012 at 2:39pm - misc - by KDM - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mom went to the store. She said she was feeling generous, and had gotten everyone a little treat. My brothers each got candy and a movie. I got acne medication. FML

#19001319
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23113) - you deserved it (2980)

On 02/05/2012 at 1:49pm - misc - by CaityLovesBo - United States (Washington)

Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML

#18968105
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28871) - you deserved it (2306)

On 02/01/2012 at 11:11am - work - by ABBenzin (man) - United States

Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML

#18937632
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45756) - you deserved it (7743)

On 01/28/2012 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by Tiana - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML

#18936421
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28184) - you deserved it (2187)

On 01/28/2012 at 7:10pm - love - by Shelly P. (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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