About Aleys : Captain America and Harry Potter loving sophomore in college, studying criminal justice.
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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Aleys's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 09/07/2015 at 10:21am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
by mlustpdx / 09/04/2014 at 1:47pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals
Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML
by Anonymous / 08/29/2014 at 12:16pm / United States (Texas) / Money
by Anonymous / 07/22/2014 at 1:39pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I was at a party, and someone called the cops on us. I dove into a bush that turned out to have thorns. I got multiple cuts and a sprained wrist, and got arrested anyway. Its kind of hard to hide from the police when you're screaming in agony. FML
by Anonymous / 07/19/2014 at 7:35am / United States (Missouri) / Health
Today, I babysat the brattiest and most foul-mouthed 8-year-old I've ever met. After I survived three hours of it, his parents finally came home. He claimed I'd invited a boy over and that we did "stuff" on the couch all evening. They believed him. I didn't get paid, to say the least. FML
by bastards / 06/05/2014 at 4:05pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Kids
Today, my daughter admitted why her grades, which are usually straight A's, have been slipping the past few weeks. Turns out she has been deliberately failing tests to avoid becoming valedictorian, so she won't have to deliver a speech at graduation. FML
by stillaproudfather / 05/22/2014 at 3:24pm / United States / Kids
Today, we finally moved into our new home, which my husband and I got mostly so our kids could have fun in the spacious backyard. The moment they stepped into the backyard, they were terrorized by the neighbor's dogs, and now refuse to go outside. FML
by cassie611 / 03/13/2014 at 2:26pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by AmericanAlien / 03/08/2014 at 9:15pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML
by not even getting any of her shrimp / 02/11/2014 at 4:50pm / United States (Utah) / Love
by madib33 / 01/11/2014 at 12:49am / United States / Miscellaneous
by give me an F / 01/05/2014 at 11:16am / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Love
Today, I went outside at 9am in my boxer shorts to get my mail in my garden. I'd put a shoe in the door to keep the door jammed open, but when I ran back, my dog had the shoe in his mouth and all the doors and windows were closed. FML
by gnafron / 12/31/2013 at 6:30am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Animals
by Anonymous / 12/28/2013 at 12:10am / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, as I was driving back home from my grandma's, I looked over at the guy in the lane beside me, only to witness him with a sandwich between his teeth and his cock in his free hand. Now I know why I don't leave the city, or even drive, more often. FML
by NNTA / 12/26/2013 at 6:21pm / Netherlands (Limburg) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…