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Offline (the 09/23/2015 at 11:40pm)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 4 April 1982 (34 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2272
  • Number of comments : 150
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 36 posted

About Alastrina : Tattoo artist, daydreamer, general random weirdo.
I'm made of awesomeness too!

Alastrina's page activity

Visits<b>stfuwtf</b> - the 03/01/2016 at 11:00pm<b>Kyrie646</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 12:54pm<b>bubsenn</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 3:23pm<b>gracehi</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 9:47pm<b>bigdog80</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 8:15pm<b>AnimeAddict95</b> - the 06/06/2015 at 12:38am<b>pred8885</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 9:08am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 9:28am<b>Crazyjohnb</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 8:00am<b>black_day</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 9:09pm<b>ZiggysMommy512</b> - the 03/08/2015 at 1:31am<b>newzealand</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 7:21am<b>Ilikepie82479</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 10:51pm<b>stalker99</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 10:41pm<b>Matheo</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 3:38pm<b>TheBadAndGnarly</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 1:42pm<b>ROMAD</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 1:39pm<b>steeler088</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 11:22am

Fucked!<b>stfuwtf</b> - the 03/02/2016 at 5:01am

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You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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Alastrina's favorite FMLs

Today, my son had a secret party. At first I was mad, then I had a complete and total Incredible Hulk meltdown when I realized that he had opened a bottle of very expensive whisky, originally bottled by my great great grandfather in Scotland, and used it as a mixer with fucking Pepsi. FML

by Angus / 09/17/2015 at 3:48pm / France / Kids

Today, after working 8 hours and immediately packing my house for another 6 hours to prepare for moving, I was extremely exhausted and more than ready to brush my teeth and go to bed. I tiredly brushed my teeth with my mascara. FML

by morethanablondemoment / 08/28/2015 at 12:40am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2015 at 9:26am / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. It got hot and intense and we were really into it, until she blurted out, "Oh baby, rub your penis against mine". FML

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" / 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, my family and I were driving and we passed a strip club called DB's Golden Banana. My 5-year-old sister asked what it was, so my dad said it was a place where people dance. Now my sister keeps telling people she wants to be a dancer at DB's Golden Banana. FML

by tycrist8 / 06/26/2015 at 7:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, my 14 year old brother and 9 year old sister were fighting. My brother said "You suck!" to my sister, and she replied with "You swallow!" FML

by Zufallian / 06/02/2015 at 8:55pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

by killme / 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom and I went to exchange a massive stuffed animal, which was meant for my niece. I was carrying it when I saw a really hot guy looking at me funny. My mom snickered and told him that I never go anywhere without "George". FML

by thanks a lot mom / 12/28/2014 at 1:52am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2014 at 7:41pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

by SaintGoobers / 10/06/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I work at a bakery. As I was putting out some cakes with fruit on top of them, a customer asked me how we get the little hairs to stay on the raspberries, and if we glue them on. FML

by s0728 / 09/01/2014 at 5:37pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I tried fixing my dad's lawnmower after he said, "Girls can't change a lightbulb right, let alone fix a machine." An hour later, when I had the lawnmower running again, he bitched me out for trying to make him "look stupid." He's been sulking and acting pissy ever since. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 4:44pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

by Pandamomma / 07/21/2014 at 8:58am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a customer called the restaurant I work at to ask if our coupons were always valid, or if they expired on the expiration date printed on them. FML

by Shannon / 06/18/2014 at 8:58pm / United States (Michigan) / Work