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Offline (the 09/23/2015 at 11:40pm) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 4 April 1982 (33 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1894
  • Number of comments : 150
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 36 posted

About Alastrina : Tattoo artist, daydreamer, general random weirdo.
I'm made of awesomeness too!

Alastrina's page activity

Visits<b>Kyrie646</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 12:54pm<b>bubsenn</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 3:23pm<b>gracehi</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 9:47pm<b>bigdog80</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 8:15pm<b>AnimeAddict95</b> - the 06/06/2015 at 12:38am<b>pred8885</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 9:08am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 9:28am<b>Crazyjohnb</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 8:00am<b>black_day</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 9:09pm<b>ZiggysMommy512</b> - the 03/08/2015 at 1:31am<b>newzealand</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 7:21am<b>Ilikepie82479</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 10:51pm<b>stalker99</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 10:41pm<b>Matheo</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 3:38pm<b>TheBadAndGnarly</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 1:42pm<b>ROMAD</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 1:39pm<b>steeler088</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 11:22am<b>Allicat1878</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 9:59am

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Alastrina's favorite FMLs

Today, my son had a secret party. At first I was mad, then I had a complete and total Incredible Hulk meltdown when I realized that he had opened a bottle of very expensive whiskey, originally bottled by my great great grandfather in Scotland, and used it as a mixer with fucking Pepsi. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34642) - you deserved it (2401)

On 09/17/2015 at 3:48pm - kids - by Angus (man) - France

Today, after working 8 hours and immediately packing my house for another 6 hours to prepare for moving, I was extremely exhausted and more than ready to brush my teeth and go to bed. I tiredly brushed my teeth with my mascara. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22694) - you deserved it (4047)

On 08/28/2015 at 12:40am - misc - by morethanablondemoment - United States (California)

Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23499) - you deserved it (3623)

On 08/18/2015 at 9:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. It got hot and intense and we were really into it, until she blurted out, "Oh baby, rub your penis against mine". FML

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32408) - you deserved it (2347)

On 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm - work - by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my family and I were driving and we passed a strip club called DB's Golden Banana. My 5-year-old sister asked what it was, so my dad said it was a place where people dance. Now my sister keeps telling people she wants to be a dancer at DB's Golden Banana. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26685) - you deserved it (2921)

On 06/26/2015 at 7:32pm - kids - by tycrist8 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my 14 year old brother and 9 year old sister were fighting. My brother said "You suck!" to my sister, and she replied with "You swallow!" FML

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34516) - you deserved it (3408)

On 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by killme (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mom and I went to exchange a massive stuffed animal, which was meant for my niece. I was carrying it when I saw a really hot guy looking at me funny. My mom snickered and told him that I never go anywhere without "George". FML


I agree, your life sucks (33119) - you deserved it (3217)

On 12/28/2014 at 1:52am - misc - by thanks a lot mom - United States (California)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (38690) - you deserved it (4271)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:41pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, I work at a bakery. As I was putting out some cakes with fruit on top of them, a customer asked me how we get the little hairs to stay on the raspberries, and if we glue them on. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35644) - you deserved it (3170)

On 09/01/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by s0728 - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried fixing my dad's lawnmower after he said, "Girls can't change a lightbulb right, let alone fix a machine." An hour later, when I had the lawnmower running again, he bitched me out for trying to make him "look stupid." He's been sulking and acting pissy ever since. FML


I agree, your life sucks (55415) - you deserved it (4882)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, a customer called the restaurant I work at to ask if our coupons were always valid, or if they expired on the expiration date printed on them. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42980) - you deserved it (4839)

On 06/18/2014 at 8:58pm - work - by Shannon - United States (Michigan)

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