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Adammjohnson

Offline (the 08/16/2014 at 9:05am) | Search for a member

Adammjohnson

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  • Number of visits : 96
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Adammjohnson's favorite FMLs

Today, I used a restroom. While doing mah thing, the power in mah building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at mah stall. When the power cummed back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML

#20867818
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45812) - you deserved it (3121)

On 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm - work - by dear god help me. - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party 4 a bunc of eigt year olds. One of tem decided it'd be funny to ave a contest to see wo could make te most bubble wit tere farts. It led to tree kids sitting temselve in te pool, and me aving te dubiou onor of cleaning it up. fat FML

#20823903
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57806) - you deserved it (4399)

On 08/06/2013 at 2:07pm - kids - by benjo - United States

Today, ma usband and I arrivd in Barbados on vacation. We visitd a club, and tey ad a selection of drinks wit werd names. My usband orderd one calld te Raging Bitc, flickd is finger towards me, and said to te barkeeper, ( Migt as well get someting I'm usd to. ) FML

#20820272
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45070) - you deserved it (10376)

On 08/04/2013 at 12:45pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the frst time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

#20804720
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65194) - you deserved it (6603)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by awkward (woman) - United States (California)

I was at the park playing Frisbee with my friends,hen I saw a boy sitting on a bench looking rather sad. "Hey!" I yelled, an he looked up at me. I lightly threw the Frisbee in his direction, an it hit him in the face. He was blind. FML

#20788974
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54777) - you deserved it (17073)

On 07/17/2013 at 7:15pm - kids - by WasntMe - United States

I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting fir her result . Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML

#20701323
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69610) - you deserved it (4255)

On 06/02/2013 at 2:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, Mah Girlfriend Learnd That Calling Someone A "stupid Bitch" Under Yur Breath While Staring Right At Them From Six Feet Away Works Very Differently In Mah House Than At Hers. She Also Learnd Mah Sister Has One Hell Of A Punch. FML

#20084737
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29355) - you deserved it (11449)

On 09/23/2012 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally achieved the perfect hourglass figure. Too bad I'm a guy. FML

#19844120
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21400) - you deserved it (4876)

On 06/25/2012 at 10:05am - misc - by Wwiimaniac (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I caugt my dog attempting to sit on te carpet. Wen I saw im, I screamd. Startld, e ran around te ouse, continuing to take is sit. Now, I don't ave to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger unt an fine all of te scatterd turds. real FML

#8837524
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22107) - you deserved it (11844)

On 03/05/2010 at 12:17am - animals - by Catois (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, grandma called me to tell me that a couple of cute boys stopped by her house to borrow something!! She told them all about me, an that I would be interested in them!! My love life is so pathetic, even grandmother is trying to hook me up!! FML

#8394792
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22932) - you deserved it (4184)

On 02/18/2010 at 12:07am - love - by loveless - United States (Massachusetts)

Today I had mah first raal data with mah first sarious boyfriand . I was looool narvous cuz from past axparianca . I laarnd mah lips wara a bit ticklish an I usually giggld a bit during kissing . Wall wa startd making out an I thought was I doing pratty good hiding mah laughs . Until I wat mysalf . FML

#4819197
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46574) - you deserved it (9873)

On 08/25/2009 at 7:56pm - love - by RitaDahhlinnnng (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

TODAY, I CUMMED HOME A FEW DAYS EARLY FROM A 3-MONTH BUSINESS TRIP. AS I OPENED MAH APARTMENT DOOR, HOPING TO SURPRISE MAH GRLFRIEND, THE MAN SHE'S APPARENTLY BEEN CHEATING ON ME WITH PROMPTLY PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE. HE THOUGHT I WAS A BURGLAR. MEGA FML

#663425
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (114013) - you deserved it (4787)

On 03/28/2009 at 3:42pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I drove my two kids to there friends houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowd down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticd the sped reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left u 4 a reason." FML

#196936
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51302) - you deserved it (40266)

On 03/03/2009 at 4:27pm - kids - by Fat Dad (man) - United States (Missouri)



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