ALyte

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Offline (the 09/09/2016 at 5:59pm)

ALyte

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Saturday 6 February 1988 (28 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1152
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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ALyte's page activity

Visits<b>tin_cup</b> - the 09/27/2016 at 12:44pm<b>chewsef</b> - the 06/10/2016 at 7:21pm<b>jbuckets_404</b> - the 05/06/2016 at 8:56am<b>JustATeenageMess</b> - the 03/22/2016 at 6:56pm<b>Jayroc</b> - the 02/05/2016 at 9:37pm<b>marshm610</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 11:49pm<b>HanselSuHan</b> - the 05/20/2014 at 10:23am<b>starcravingmad</b> - the 05/15/2014 at 1:14am<b>Trinidad727</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 8:09pm<b>FrankHotpants</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 5:19pm<b>BunchieRules</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 4:18pm<b>BrotherTheo</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 3:57pm<b>surprisefuka</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 3:24pm<b>mixedone223</b> - the 04/16/2014 at 3:17pm<b>PresAgent</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 11:05pm<b>6dandaman5</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 8:36pm<b>jjmiller1985</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 1:46am<b>L2PlayWoW</b> - the 03/22/2014 at 5:38am

Fucked!<b>tin_cup</b> - the 09/26/2016 at 5:07pm

ALyte's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of ALyte's badges

ALyte's favorite FMLs

Today, while cleaning my desk I found a stray gumball. I quickly popped it into my mouth only to discover with horror that it was a paintball. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2015 at 6:52pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I read that egg whites make a good hair treatment. Everything was going fine until, without thinking, I turned the hot water on to wash it out. I'm still picking the cooked egg out of my hair. FML

by EggHead / 05/03/2014 at 12:57am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2014 at 11:36am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML

by clodius / 11/20/2013 at 1:25pm / United Kingdom (North Lanarkshire) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

by littledipper / 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML

by countryblumpkin / 08/01/2013 at 2:06pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing his oral sex skills on the crotch of one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

by The fuck, junior? / 07/05/2013 at 6:45pm / Canada (Quebec) / Kids

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

by WTF / 01/16/2013 at 2:52am / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that the comforting, unique scent of my mother in my childhood was actually the smell of the marijuana she smokes. FML

by childhoodupinsmoke / 11/29/2012 at 10:35pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

by Misunderstood Waitress / 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm / United States / Work

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

by -___- / 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Kids

Today, a woman asked why my daughter doesn't look remotely like me. I just smiled and shrugged it off, but the truth is that she looks exactly like I did before I got my botched plastic surgery. FML

by momolee / 07/07/2012 at 3:13pm / Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad) / Kids

Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML

by audreyav / 06/30/2012 at 4:10am / United States (Oregon) / Animals

Today, I saw my mom changing the expiry date on milk. She genuinely thought this would make the milk sour later. FML

by WTF / 06/09/2012 at 9:54am / Australia (South Australia) / Health

Today, after a surprise candlelit dinner and a two bottles of wine for my birthday, my boyfriend and I decided to take a sexy shower together. It ended with us both drunk, naked, and crying, wedged into a small tub together, talking about our dead pets. FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2012 at 1:46am / United States (California) / Intimacy