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ALyte's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 04/15/2015 at 6:52pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I read that egg whites make a good hair treatment. Everything was going fine until, without thinking, I turned the hot water on to wash it out. I'm still picking the cooked egg out of my hair. FML
by EggHead / 05/03/2014 at 12:57am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML
by Anonymous / 01/31/2014 at 11:36am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by clodius / 11/20/2013 at 1:25pm / United Kingdom (North Lanarkshire) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML
by littledipper / 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm / United States (New York) / Work
by countryblumpkin / 08/01/2013 at 2:06pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by The fuck, junior? / 07/05/2013 at 6:45pm / Canada (Quebec) / Kids
Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML
by childhoodupinsmoke / 11/29/2012 at 10:35pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML
by Misunderstood Waitress / 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm / United States / Work
Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
by -___- / 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Kids
by momolee / 07/07/2012 at 3:13pm / Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad) / Kids
by audreyav / 06/30/2012 at 4:10am / United States (Oregon) / Animals
by WTF / 06/09/2012 at 9:54am / Australia (South Australia) / Health
Today, after a surprise candlelit dinner and a two bottles of wine for my birthday, my boyfriend and I decided to take a sexy shower together. It ended with us both drunk, naked, and crying, wedged into a small tub together, talking about our dead pets. FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2012 at 1:46am / United States (California) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…