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ADOmega's favorite FMLs
Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying "If god doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML
by an unlucky man / 08/05/2016 at 5:37am / United States (California) / Love
Today, after countless nights of no sleep and only some spontaneous naps, I was finally seeing a sleeping doctor to analyze the problem. I missed the appointment because I ended up sleeping through my alarm after not being able to sleep at all last night. FML
by Anonymous / 05/04/2016 at 10:15am / United Kingdom (Cornwall) / Kids
by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 4:14pm / United States (West Virginia) / Kids
by 0h_Boy / 04/20/2016 at 4:03pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I asked a girl to prom by having 5 friends hold up signs saying "P-R-O-M-?" while I snuck up behind her. She said yes... to my friend holding the "?", who she thought was the one asking her. FML
by promposer / 04/04/2016 at 2:55pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, my electric razor broke down during shaving. So now I have a face which is shaved on the right hand side and has a beard on the left. I don't own blades, so I'll have to go to work looking like this. FML
by ItsGoneForever / 04/04/2016 at 1:58pm / Netherlands / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend dumped me by text for another man while I was at work. While I worked the drive-thru, a customer noticed me choking back my tears and said "I'd be cryin' too if I worked your dead-end job." FML
by fuck off, for real / 04/03/2016 at 9:26am / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/02/2016 at 11:48am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
by titkip / 04/01/2016 at 8:30pm / Kenya (Nairobi Area) / Intimacy
Today, a customer got angry with me, because store policy says we can't accept returns of unsealed video games unless there's actual damage to the disc. The guy got enraged and started yelling about how I'm a "useless fuckwhistle". I almost got written up for laughing so hard at the insult. FML
by Anonymous / 04/01/2016 at 4:21pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work
by mackamuir / 04/01/2016 at 9:01am / Australia (Queensland) / Money
by Anonymous / 04/01/2016 at 8:55am / Ukraine (Kyyiv) / Love
by dickface / 03/31/2016 at 9:52pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…