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20minutesto9's FML badges
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20minutesto9's favorite FMLs
Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML
by killmenow / 12/03/2015 at 12:33am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Love
Today, I left my dog in my car for 5 minutes while I ran into a store. The car was running so he was fine, the thing that wasn't so fine is that when I walked out my car wasn't there. My dog somehow moved my car into the middle of a intersection, almost causing an accident. FML
by ej6901 / 06/23/2015 at 4:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation
by Anon / 05/24/2015 at 9:14pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML
by regretsteachinghighschool / 11/05/2013 at 8:22am / United States (Minnesota) / Work
Today, I was using the urinal when another guy came in. His friends decided to scare him while he was using the urinal next to mine. They jumped out at him, he turned around and ended up peeing all over me. FML
by the unfortunate man / 07/19/2013 at 12:29am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 12:48am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by Anonymous / 01/21/2013 at 7:48am / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML
by Dog_Lover / 12/18/2012 at 10:30am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/24/2011 at 5:35am / United Kingdom / Work
Today, I went to see a famous rapper perform. My girlfriend got us up to the front to get pictures with him. He went to give me a high-five, I thought it was a fist-bump, so I made a fist. So he made a fist while I made a palm to match his retracted high-five. Then I panicked, cupped his fist and ran. FML
by blackitalian / 11/26/2010 at 10:43am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2009 at 1:12am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy
Today, at WalMart, I saw a guy taping a sign that read "Hide and seek world champs!" over the lost children board. I chased him out of the store, then came back to take it down. As I was trying to remove the sign, a huge crowd began cursing at me and threatening me. They thought I'd made the sign. FML
by Dude / 08/19/2009 at 6:32am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
by offbeans / 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (California) / Kids
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