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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 3 August 1995 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 132
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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1bj1234's page activity

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1bj1234's favorite FMLs

Today, I hugged my dad. Since I don't hug him very much, he was confused. When I pulled away from him, smiling, he slapped me, saying the smiling and the hug made it look like I was "up to something." FML

Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML

Today, I was doodling randomly during a meeting at work, and I noticed my drawing was beginning to look a bit like a penis. A coworker was eyeing it so I tried to make it something else by adding... oh good, now it's a penis and balls. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36406) - you deserved it (12802)

On 02/27/2014 at 6:59am - work - by doodler - United States (Texas)

Today, I was chatting with my mother. She was telling me about some new mouthwash she recently got, and the moment the word "gargle" escaped her lips, my husband muttered just a little too loudly from the kitchen, "How about gargling my balls instead, bitch." Our family is now at war. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49820) - you deserved it (5513)

On 12/08/2013 at 3:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML


I agree, your life sucks (46996) - you deserved it (18770)

On 11/18/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by flavored (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40242) - you deserved it (5206)

On 11/10/2013 at 8:52pm - work - by kittkatt1 - United States (Michigan)

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28810) - you deserved it (56615)

On 11/05/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Something I said? (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (55710) - you deserved it (8092)

On 11/02/2013 at 4:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML


I agree, your life sucks (60776) - you deserved it (4648)

On 08/06/2013 at 2:07pm - kids - by benjo - United States

Today, my girlfriend agreed to doing it doggy style. During it all, I pulled on her hair. I guess I pulled too hard, because when I let go, her face smacked straight into the bedside table. FML


I agree, your life sucks (13931) - you deserved it (43633)

On 11/11/2011 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by Henry - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML


I agree, your life sucks (40590) - you deserved it (12951)

On 09/13/2010 at 5:14am - love - by vikinggirl (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my friends were all sharing sweet things their boyfriends had shared with them. After hearing "he says I look pretty without makeup" or "he promises we'll get married one day", I realized that the only compliment he's given me is that my laughter "sounds like a squirrel having a seizure." FML


I agree, your life sucks (31523) - you deserved it (5334)

On 08/16/2010 at 1:03am - love - by 86145 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML


I agree, your life sucks (13364) - you deserved it (22906)

On 03/07/2010 at 10:46am - intimacy - by fml (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (255704) - you deserved it (87424)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

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