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150493x's favorite FMLs
by Lonely / 06/16/2011 at 11:25pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
by Hank Gummyworm / 06/16/2011 at 2:37am / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, I missed my flight because I was held in airport security because I'd "threatened" an employee. He had confiscated my eyelash curler and jokingly I asked if he thought I was going to curl him to death. He didn't laugh. FML
by missy / 06/15/2011 at 10:42pm / United States (Alaska) / Transportation
Today, I had to lie to my female roommate about what happened last night. She was drunk and spent half the night cuddling with me and trying to get me to kiss her. I've loved this girl for two years, but I promised her I wouldn't let her cheat on her boyfriend with anyone. Even me. FML
by anonymous / 06/15/2011 at 2:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, my son's homework was to write a story about what he wants to be when he grows up. He wrote that he plans on being unemployed and living at home until we throw him out, then he'll live under a bridge. He's only 12, but already planning for a future as an unemployed bum. FML
by Seriously / 06/15/2011 at 12:46pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by hatelife / 06/14/2011 at 2:37pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by lalala / 06/14/2011 at 6:47am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to give his cat medicine. Unfortunately, it reacted in a way it never had before: clawed his arms to bits, bit him so hard a tooth fell out, peed everywhere, including on me, and pooped on the carpet. FML
by CatLady / 06/09/2011 at 3:20am / United States (California) / Animals
by xmeatballx21 / 06/03/2011 at 5:57am / United States (South Dakota) / Work
Today, I saw a YouTube video of a guy scratching a knife and a screwdriver on his iPod, and at the end he showed how there were no scratches and the screen was still clean. I took my iPod touch and did the same with a knife. It didn't work. FML
by MgmEboy / 09/19/2009 at 5:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Hairball / 09/01/2009 at 2:05pm / United States (South Carolina) / Work
by mylifesucks / 08/30/2009 at 12:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Loveless / 07/19/2009 at 9:06pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
by I_Am_The_Edge / 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML
by Angelofkarma / 05/25/2009 at 2:05pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, to enhance our sex life, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex in our local mall's parking… Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally,… Today, I found my favorite stuffed animal I had as a child in the trash bin. I took it out to find…