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05paiger

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05paiger

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 492
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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05paiger's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

#20772281
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55035) - you deserved it (22297)

On 07/09/2013 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

#20711208
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59352) - you deserved it (68183)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML

#20692661
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68612) - you deserved it (15230)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML

#20688020
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63138) - you deserved it (4297)

On 05/26/2013 at 8:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate in the backseat of his car, when a police car pulled up behind us. My mom later told me that intimacy was fine, just not in a car. We were in the car because she told me that intimacy was fine, just not in her house. FML

#20677651
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54842) - you deserved it (12551)

On 05/21/2013 at 12:09pm - intimacy - by backseatbusted (woman) - United States

Today, my brother tried to convince me to get a clitoris piercing at his recently opened piercing studio. FML

#20668963
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64450) - you deserved it (6465)

On 05/17/2013 at 12:40pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Varmlands Lan)

Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML

#20668938
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43931) - you deserved it (5371)

On 05/17/2013 at 12:16pm - misc - by jessinono (woman) - United States

Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML

#20668540
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60828) - you deserved it (5144)

On 05/17/2013 at 3:21am - intimacy - by Uncomfortable (woman) -

Today, I tried to show my boyfriend's mom a picture of my prom dress on my phone. She scrolled to the right to find a picture of her son, naked. FML

#20642331
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44988) - you deserved it (77113)

On 05/05/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by beyondembarrassed - United States

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64915) - you deserved it (9789)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband and I, for a laugh, did our first dance to LMFAO's "I'm sexy and I know it" with stupid moves and everything. 200 guests. Nobody laughed. FML

#20618965
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52278) - you deserved it (29300)

On 04/24/2013 at 6:29pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

#20586362
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64202) - you deserved it (11492)

On 04/12/2013 at 11:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML

#20570966
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46931) - you deserved it (3289)

On 04/02/2013 at 12:11am - work - by QuinnyZebrass (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

#20562846
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86693) - you deserved it (8949)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

#20562430
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53027) - you deserved it (5993)

On 03/27/2013 at 2:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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