Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML

by stupid drunk bitch / 02/24/2016 at 1:37pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my boyfriend still won't get a job, because he's convinced he's going to make millions inventing and selling carbonated ketchup. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2016 at 12:28pm / United States / Love

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my boyfriend that I wanted to go separate ways. Before I could say anything, he proposed. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2016 at 4:59am / United States (Iowa) / Love

Today, I got accused of ruining my girlfriend's birthday, all because I accidentally got her the same birthday present as her mother did. FML

by Harry641 / 02/23/2016 at 5:53pm / United Kingdom (Hounslow) / Love

Today, the girl I like asked me to take over her shift at the place we both work at. Being nice, I readily took over. Later, I found out she went on a date with my best friend. He knows I like her. FML

by fezhafeez / 02/23/2016 at 2:26pm / Singapore / Love

Today, my ex-girlfriend woke up from a coma that lasted a few months. Her parents called me from the hospital shortly after because she was in hysterics that I wasn't there. Apparently she thinks we're still together, and I now have to somehow break up with her again after almost a year apart. FML

by oh / 02/22/2016 at 9:41pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, a girl I like asked me to a concert, saying she had an extra ticket. I ended up being the third wheel with her and her boyfriend. Had to pay $60 for the ticket too. FML

by J-Sauce / 02/22/2016 at 6:32pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML

by Anonymous / 02/20/2016 at 7:53am / United Kingdom (Merton) / Love

Today, my now ex-boyfriend told me that I was the one. Not at this moment though, he wants to see how far he can go with his best female friend. But once he's done with her, we can be together. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2016 at 7:32am / Netherlands / Love

Today, I was threatened to be held back because of the lack of teacher-parent communication. My parents refuse to sign my report card because of my one mark below ninety percent. My teacher was dead serious about failing me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2016 at 9:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, after having my husband ask if I 'had any plans' for the weekend, and him mentioning that he got me something special, he played his PS4 for hours, ignored me, then finally took a break to hand me a tiny box of chocolates. I can't even be mad because he looked so proud. FML

by marriedbutlonely / 02/14/2016 at 9:36pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I gave my boyfriend a $300 cooler for Valentine's Day. When I asked what he got me, he pointed at my stomach. I'm 3 months pregnant with his baby. FML

by woahlaura / 02/14/2016 at 11:26am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my girlfriend is locked in the bathroom crying because I didn't buy her anything for Valentine's Day, even though Friday, at her suggestion, we agreed not to exchange gifts because both of our birthdays are a week away. FML

by R281780 / 02/14/2016 at 10:53am / United States (California) / Love