Today, I found out that my husband never wanted to marry me, he only did because I wouldn't quit pestering him to propose to me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2009 at 1:38am / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, I left work to find a note on my windshield that read, "I think you're cute," with a phone number written down as well. I got super excited and immediately dialed. The phone was answered by a woman laughing hysterically. It was my Mom. FML

by MarkTheShark / 12/12/2009 at 12:23am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, my new girlfriend was telling me how she's attracted to "All-American" looking guys. Tall, manly body, handsome face. Then she says, "But it's ok, you're cute too." FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 4:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, my mom picked my ex-boyfriend up early from school to take him to see a special screening of a documentary that's showing in town. She left me after school for an hour and a half because they ended up going out for coffee afterwards. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 12:10am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I gave a girl I like a $200 diamond necklace to express how much she means to me. She gave me a hug and told me she didn't want to lose me as a friend. Nor did she want to lose her new necklace. Today, I got a $200 hug. FML

by Henji / 12/10/2009 at 5:21pm / United States (Nebraska) / Love

Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML

by soapysoap / 12/10/2009 at 3:04am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I was walking through the bar area of the restaurant I work at and fell on my ass. Customers complained to my manager that I shouldn't be drinking on the job. FML

by Melinda / 12/10/2009 at 12:14am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I received a 4 page letter in the post from a woman telling me she was Alan's wife. She spoke about their wedding in 2004, their two beautiful kids who love their daddy very much (she included pictures), and how much she loves him. Alan is my husband of 7 years. FML

by _RobotInDisguise / 12/09/2009 at 6:47pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being superficial. She said I was superficial because I paid $100 for acne medication, because she always complained about how much acne I had. FML

by Superficial / 12/09/2009 at 5:19pm / United States (West Virginia) / Love

Today, I was looking at my wedding pictures I had just ordered and I tried to flick something off one of the pictures, but it wouldn't come off. In a panic I quickly looked through all of my pictures and realized that I had a booger sticking out of my nose. No one told me. FML

by boogerbrain / 12/09/2009 at 4:06pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML

by ouch / 12/09/2009 at 12:09pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I received a private message on Facebook, from a woman I've never heard of, subject: "Eric X's wife says HI." She goes on to say that she is going to find me, and ruin my life the way I have ruined hers. I've never even heard of Eric X and am happily engaged. FML

by Cherie / 12/09/2009 at 11:31am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I met a girl who's the whole package: brains, beauty, shared interests, great personality, single, and into me. Too bad I married my bitchy, depressive high school girlfriend who said she'd kill herself if I didn't. Sometimes, she still tells me she'll do it if we divorce. I believe her. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2009 at 8:27am / United States (Florida) / Love