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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I planned a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend. I invited all his friend and made all his favorite food. He was running very late, so I called to ask what was taking so long. His response? He said he was at his house, with the very friends I was standing next to. FML

#4215163
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62669) - you deserved it (3805)

On 08/01/2009 at 9:29pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my long-distance boyfriend wanted to spend time online with me. He kept quiet on Skype and went on a hundred different stupid websites, laughing by himself. Afterwards, he told me he really enjoyed our time together. FML

#4203113
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40737) - you deserved it (6591)

On 08/01/2009 at 7:58am - love - by Unclicked (woman) - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

#4201087
403 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67341) - you deserved it (15399)

On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML

#4188521
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42655) - you deserved it (8593)

On 07/31/2009 at 6:46pm - love - by deadbunnies (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I gave my wife of four years a special anniversary gift: a red rose dipped in liquid gold so that she would cherish and admire it forever. She told me it was too "Italian" looking. I now have a hundred dollar rose sitting in my office. FML

#4180457
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54078) - you deserved it (6088)

On 07/31/2009 at 12:02pm - love - by WiltedFlower (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dad told me he was planning to have his steady girlfriend over for dinner. He's only had a few relationships since he and my mom split up when I was very young, so I was excited to meet the woman. He then told me that I knew her already. My dad is dating my aunt on my mothers side. FML

#4176016
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51832) - you deserved it (2604)

On 07/31/2009 at 4:03am - love - by FreakedOut (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, it's my first wedding anniversary, or Paper anniversary. I got him airline tickets for an expensive weekend break for two in Berlin. He got me a toilet roll. FML

#4175008
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43589) - you deserved it (4714)

On 07/31/2009 at 3:03am - love - by Andrexwife (woman) - United Kingdom (St. Helens)

Today, my boyfriend and I made a date to try to save our relationship. I sat in his room for hours while he watched YouTube videos of World of Warcraft. FML

#4154215
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45076) - you deserved it (7444)

On 07/30/2009 at 4:11am - love - by adsfkerfmpo (woman) - United States (California) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I got into a car accident. The car I hit belongs to my girlfriend's father. We never met before. He believes strongly in "first impressions." FML

#4153520
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40668) - you deserved it (6227)

On 07/30/2009 at 3:20am - love - by LevKin (man) - Canada (Quebec) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my mom asked me if I was crying because my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. That wasn't why I was crying. My mom knows things before I do. FML

#4147404
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51736) - you deserved it (2827)

On 07/29/2009 at 11:20pm - love - by screwed (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when I saw my cheating ex-wife walking down the road. Out of anger, I spat my gum at her. I forgot that my helmet's visor was still down, so when I spat, the gum stuck against it. I was temporarily blinded and I crashed into some bushes. FML

#4142743
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12931) - you deserved it (73071)

On 07/29/2009 at 8:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going out tonight to celebrate his ex-but-still-friends-girlfriend's birthday at a local club and hopes I wasn't offended that I wasn't invited. I sure am offended; we have the same birthday. FML

#4136342
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79212) - you deserved it (3848)

On 07/29/2009 at 3:32pm - love - by imscrewed (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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