Today, my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear keyring. I had to explain that although many grown women like cuddly toys, I don't. And even if I did, a filthy, soaking wet bear he found in a puddle on the street is not a nice gesture, despite his suggestion I can just wash it in the machine. FML

by NoTeddies / 09/21/2016 at 6:48pm / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Love

Today, my sister gently asked me if I was gay. Turns out I've been without a boyfriend for so long that the whole family believes I secretly have a girlfriend. FML

by Singlelady / 09/21/2016 at 3:16pm / United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent) / Love

Today, I tried to sneakily leave my boyfriend's house at 3 a.m. without his parents knowing. I had a flat tire. FML

by nekal / 09/21/2016 at 12:50pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, my husband picked a fight with me because I have more pictures of our child on my desk at work than I do of him. FML

by American Idiot / 09/20/2016 at 3:25pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML

by PleaseDontHateMe / 09/20/2016 at 12:42pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I was introduced to the girl my current boyfriend went out with while dating me. FML

by hk / 09/20/2016 at 11:29am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Love

Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML

by tequilashot / 09/20/2016 at 12:40am / Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul) / Love

Today, I found out what happens when you sleep with a girl your chemistry major friend likes. He put silver nitrate in my body wash and shampoo. I look like I survived an explosion in a Sharpie factory. He says it'll come off "in a few days". FML

by dude i am so sorry / 09/19/2016 at 3:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, my girlfriend contacted me. She said she'd thought over her feelings over our temporary break in the relationship, and she wanted to try again. Being my stupid, self-loathing self, I asked her so many questions on if she was sure or not that she went back into doubt and revoked the offer. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2016 at 6:05am / Love

Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML

by Gas-pingForAir / 09/19/2016 at 4:59am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I found out why my wife has been upset with me for the last week. She told me this morning that I did something to upset her on our date night last Friday, she won't tell me what, and she said she'll leave me if I do it again. FML

by dazedandconfused / 09/18/2016 at 5:44am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Love

Today, I found out the 28-year-old I am dating is actually 48. FML

by bruh_im18 / 09/17/2016 at 12:18pm / United States (Louisiana) / Love

Today, I finally said yes to a date with a guy. I was hesistant due to him being quite a bit younger than me. On our date, he dabbed 27 times. Yes, I actually kept count. FML

by DabTheFuckOut / 09/16/2016 at 3:35pm / United States (Hawaii) / Love